You start your day fixated on a specific time. Watch the clock and the phone or email if waiting for an update. Something as important to you say as your sister meeting a potential suitor or your mom returning from a doctor appointment? As the time nears you feel an excitement that only your poor spine can tell. You think to yourself they must have met. Ten minutes go past and you wonder if they met. You calculate mentally a time you think they would have done talking. The next couple of hours go by in anxiety. Then confident in your calculation that she must be home, you stare at the phone waiting for it to ring. You check your email just in case. Another fifteen minutes later you are texting. “You home yet”?

No response. You call. Leave a voice message. Your mind goes a million directions wondering about alternate scenarios. Perhaps they were late. Perhaps they still are talking. Perhaps he did not show up. You get physically tired from all the waiting and conjecturing. Then practically at a point when you think you could care no longer, you get a text saying “We were supposed to meet Monday.”. “Monday?? But today IS Monday.” you reply. Nothing. No replies.

What do you make of it?

well! This example might be far fetched but you get the gist right. I went to bed yesterday so exhausted from all the anticipation and the waiting. And I realized, the whole stupid thing was in my mind. Things that matter so much to me is a blip in the other person’s radar. How I wish I could learn to be detached! Sigh!!