Photo by Max Ravier on Pexels.com I talk as I walk to the voice on the other end which is a tad weakened as it traverses the eight thousand miles from India to make its way to me. I strain to listen, filling in missed syllables knowing the words she would have used from our … Continue reading Essay: On Loss and, Love
The children troop in, one after another, tired, messy hair and cold. The routine is the same every day. I insist they put their boots away, hang up their jackets and use the bathroom before snack time. I stand by the kitchen island, three bulging school bags lined next to each other. I am methodical. … Continue reading Saaptiya?
This week marks ten years since we went from being a couple to parents of twins. Each year I struggle with marking the day. Obviously, it is of import to me. It also is of import to my children in ways I cannot measure or understand. I consciously stay away from anything celebratory. I … Continue reading Ten Years. Many Lessons.
I remember to wear my turquoise fleece top to my dental appointment. The office is well appointed and lighted but cold. I check myself before I get in the car. Insurance, HSA card, and license are all in there. The wait is short and I am in my chair before I know it. It is … Continue reading Empathy
Dear Ammu, Pattu, and Laddu, Tonight, Ammu dissolved into tears and I stood by powerless, rudderless. What happened today is not the first. It will not be the last either. It happens to all of us. People we want to be friends with don’t feel that way about us. As you stood sobbing, your eyes … Continue reading Letters To My Daughters: Move On
I am clearing up the crumbs from breakfast when Pattu’s clear voice calls out to me from beyond the patio door. I take my time, finishing up what I am doing before I walk. She holds up her boogie board, a line drawing that looks suspiciously like an advertisement for a fast food chain. “That’s … Continue reading The Moon Is A Taco And Other Things
The alarm went off at 3:00 AM and I stood sipping coffee in the cool back patio of my sister's home while my Amma sat on the recliner inside listening intently to the radio online. She made a picture. Her eyes narrowed in focus, her glasses perched midway on her nose. Her coffee cup sat to … Continue reading BBC Asia Radio Interview
“What is on your mind?” exhorts Facebook when I turn to my phone in a moment of despair “Craptastic (pun intended)” I type and then backspace, watching each letter and my life disappear into an unseen void. My fingers are smudged with dosa batter drying into a white powder that flakes off as my hands … Continue reading You Are Not Alone
The year was 2000. I filed my first tax return. I think I was owed money from the government. I am not sure but I did not follow-up or deem it worth my time to find out. I was young, unencumbered and singularly apolitical. In the few years I had been eligible to vote, I … Continue reading On Politics, Liberalism And Being A Snowflake
I eye the phone longingly. My fingers itch to dial Amma’s cell phone number but I desist. I can picture my family this morning. All of my dad’s siblings and their spouses gathered to observe the yearly anniversary of my Thatha’s passing. I imagine the kitchen busy, bustling. I can almost see my aunts and … Continue reading Paying Tributes Over Time and Space
She walks down rapidly, a speed that belies what time it is. Her face is scrubbed, a hint of damp from washing her face and drying it. Her fingers are cold as they reach for my arm. Her lips are deliciously chill as they land on my cheek. “Good Morning Amma!” Pattu exclaims as she … Continue reading Coffee And Conversations
The view out the balcony mirrors my mood. Patches of grey sky peek in between the dense upper branches of the tree by the apartment block. Dead limbs hang limp. Tiny buds peek through the very tips of the healthy ones. I hear raised voices again from the other side. I feel my body shake. … Continue reading Inequities
Hold that thought right there. No, this is not another post debating the relative merits of working or not working. Or being a mom or not. 🙂 I set the pan with water to boil for my afternoon coffee. Laddu is straining to be taken off the high chair where I have her squirming and … Continue reading Reflections on being a stay at home mom (SAHM)
The baby swing in the back yard sways in the breeze. I notice Ammu and Pattu in my peripheral vision trying to dislodge a 'popsicle' from the faucet on the outside of the house. It is bitterly cold. My nose burns. I feel alive. I glance absently at the stretch of road visible from my … Continue reading Right here. Right now.
If there is one thing I regret in earnest since laddu was born, it is that I cannot sing to save my life. As I hold and rock her back and forth as she expresses her frustration the only way she knows, I wish from deep within that I could croon to her. That the … Continue reading Lullaby and goodnight
In a couple of hours, we will wind down what has been an uneventful yet memorable two weeks of staycation. Each day started predictably with the twins snuggling in bed with us. What followed was largely dictated by the weather and where their rich imaginations led them. Some days they built towers with blocks mimicking … Continue reading Unharried moments
"If you hurt my feelings one more time..." Pattu looks at Ammu with threatening eyes. Ammu replies hardly looking up from her coloring book "I hurt your feelings already. I hurt you first!" Saathi and I grin across the dining table and file these conversations to retold and enjoyed years later. My mind however is … Continue reading Warning: Hurt feelings ahead
Balancing a load of folded clothes in my hands, I spy the letter for the twins I have to file away in their memento box. Picking it up I gingerly make my way upstairs. Stowing away clothes, I take the letter to my room and open up the grey suitcase that houses things old and … Continue reading Lost and found: Life goes on
The mountains shimmered in the evening sun. They looked gray, forsaken, eerily beautiful. The roads stretched like ribbons weaving in and out of the mountain town. Desolate. My eyes were vacant. My mind numb. I looked into the barrenness of the horizon and saw myself. There was no pain. Just emptiness. A good part of … Continue reading I was never the same again
She flitted into my life, like a butterfly one day in the past year - bright, cheerful and full of energy. Her expressive eyes filled her face imbuing it with a spark that rarely left a person untouched. Her hands told a story of their own as her voice modulated up and down animating the … Continue reading Leaving a trail of sentiments
A little over two weeks postpartum, I am discovering things about me I had forgotten. Like how I can actually put my socks on myself or how I can see past my tummy to my feet and gasp! I can actually bend down and soap my feet. The learnings have mostly been pleasant and there … Continue reading Hey! I can touch my feet and other notes