This week marks ten years since we went from being a couple to parents of twins. Each year I struggle with marking the day. Obviously, it is of import to me. It also is of import to my children in ways I cannot measure or understand. I consciously stay away from anything celebratory. I … Continue reading Ten Years. Many Lessons.
Dear All, A few weeks ago, I got a rather terse text from a fellow school mom asking if we could chat. An hour later I sat in my study feeling unmoored. Long story short, the school had an app on their school iPads that permitted outsiders to use the messaging in it to reach … Continue reading Letters To The World: Navigating Uncharted Waters
In the midst of stir-frying a melange of vegetables for my children's’ lunchbox, I reach out for my phone. I shake the pan on one hand and scroll through my FB feed on the other. I set the pan down and lean on the kitchen counter as I catch up on writing-related posts. Next up … Continue reading Becoming Our Mothers
Ammu is curled up in a ball at the end of the sofa. Laddu and Pattu are tossing a balloon between them using their cheap plastic wands as bats to hit the balloon. “We are playing royal tennis,” Laddu tells me as I pass them to reach Ammu. I stroke Ammu’s forehead, gathering her body … Continue reading Royal Ramblings
My desk has stacks of paper. Yellow envelopes filled with sheets I need to fill, a checklist of largely unchecked items, bills that need follow up, a snowman with one arm and a caption that says I’d melt for you. Each day, I sit at my desk, focusing solely on the words on the screen. … Continue reading Inured
I look at the dusk setting just outside the window of my dining room. The soles of my feet hurt from standing tad too long in the kitchen. My back aches from all the pots and pans that would not fit in the dishwasher. I am tired. I long to walk outside. To feel the … Continue reading Like A Wrecking Ball
Some moments in life are definitive. The Before. The After. I stormed out of the local laboratory, a sobbing Ammu behind me. The walk to the car seemed interminable. I knew I should have stopped, bent to her level, held her close, wiped her tears and walked slowly, together to the car. Yet, I … Continue reading Before And After
It was 1:30 PM, that time of the day when I prioritize napping over everything else when the phone rang. The caller id flashed a familiar number. I paused, considered letting it go to voicemail and then picked it up. We spoke about a great number of things but the bulk of our conversation was … Continue reading Parenting: A Guilt Trap?
I wake up in the dead of the night. Squinting, I realize it is 2:00 AM. I slide out of Laddu’s bed noiselessly and pad my way to my bed. Even as I decide to use the restroom, Laddu plods in behind me, her plaintive cry raising my hackles. Irritably, I climb into the cold … Continue reading Flying Solo
“Akka, can you play blocks with me?” Laddu looks at Pattu with pleading eyes. Her Akka looks condescendingly at the magnetic blocks strewn at Laddu’s feet and walks away not deigning to respond. “Akka, open your mouth, I will feed you the gummy vitamins,” Laddu is on tiptoe trying to reach Ammu’s mouth. Ammu’s lips … Continue reading Sibling Rivalry 2.0
I am almost done with cooking. I look at the kovakkai stir-fry one last time, taking in the crisp discs before turning the heat off. I pair lunch bags with school bags, remember to stick water bottles into side pockets and check my calendar for specials that day. Pattu has library today. I pull the … Continue reading Never About You
She flicks a tear from her cheek, her nervous laugh a cover for unexpected emotion. Pattu reaches out, her fingers lacing themselves through mine. Ammu is on my lap, her neck nestled in the crook of my neck and shoulder. She nuzzles, her cheeks wet with tears. I am overwhelmed. By the tears. By the … Continue reading When I am Gone
I watch the wet grinder turn, the steel drum distorting my image as it moves. I watch mesmerized, catching a break in what has been an exhausting day. I take a moment to wonder why I feel like this almost all days and realize it is not one thing or one day. It is the … Continue reading The Hamster Wheel That Is Parenting
The timer on the microwave went off signaling it was time for me to leave. I turned the stove off shouting a thousand instructions at the kids, the spouse and my mom as I left. I opted to take the longer, winding back roads to the kid's school. The radio was on and the ethics … Continue reading A Good Parent
They sit side by side, their blonde locks sticking up with the static in the air. They leave a trail of hats, winter jackets, gloves and scarfs from the door to the kitchen. I lay their school bags between them and me, a buffer that gives me time to really wake from my nap and … Continue reading Sisters, Forever.
I sit at the dark wood table, a good 20 feet from the kitchen watching my children crowd around their Appa as he scoops avocado and slices it into bite sized pieces. I offer to mash it up into guacamole and the four of them shake their heads as they eat the ripe avocado right … Continue reading Parenting – A Do It Yourself Project
I walk in after dropping my youngest daughter at daycare. I see evidence of the morning rush near the shoe rack. Shoes strewn all over. I am tempted to put them back in order but I move on. I open the door only to stumble on a half naked doll by the cedar chest housing … Continue reading Beating The Blues, Tomorrow.
It was the week before the 2016-17 school year began. The Friday before first day of school, I sat on a folding chair at the elementary school, a pink paisley purse by my side, watching the office manager answer the phone, jest around with the teachers and smile at me. I could hear the deep … Continue reading Empathy, Not Discipline
It is drizzling, water spraying on me from trees bent with rain water. I skip over one puddle to land right in the middle of another. Rivulets of water snake past my feet as I move towards my car. I am in no particular hurry. My bag dangles from one arm, my phone on the … Continue reading The Charades I Play
I watch as Ammu steps out of the garage into the sun. I watch as she mulls walking through the puddle of rainwater in the middle of the driveway. I will her to turn, to acknowledge that I am there, standing, watching, hoping. She walks, eyes resolutely ahead. I swallow the lump at my throat … Continue reading Parenting – A No-Win Game?
I open the door to the cool, semi dark room that houses over 7 toddlers today. Soothing music is piped overhead and I see small forms gently rising and falling as they breathe, as if in sync. I spy Laddu in a corner and stand over her, towering and wondering if she will sense my … Continue reading Tantrums