Aware parenting, Musings, Parenting

Royal Ramblings

Ammu is curled up in a ball at the end of the sofa. Laddu and Pattu are tossing a balloon between them using their cheap plastic wands as bats to hit the balloon. “We are playing royal tennis,” Laddu tells me as I pass them to reach Ammu. I stroke Ammu’s forehead, gathering her body […]

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Life, Mom's life, Musings, Parenthood, Parenting

Inured

My desk has stacks of paper. Yellow envelopes filled with sheets I need to fill, a checklist of largely unchecked items, bills that need follow up, a snowman with one arm and a caption that says I’d melt for you. Each day, I sit at my desk, focusing solely on the words on the screen. […]

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Motherhood, Mothering, Musings, Parenting

Like A Wrecking Ball

I look at the dusk setting just outside the window of my dining room. The soles of my feet hurt from standing tad too long in the kitchen. My back aches from all the pots and pans that would not fit in the dishwasher. I am tired. I long to walk outside. To feel the […]

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Children, Musings, Parenting

Before And After

  Some moments in life are definitive. The Before. The After. I stormed out of the local laboratory, a sobbing Ammu behind me. The walk to the car seemed interminable. I knew I should have stopped, bent to her level, held her close, wiped her tears and walked slowly, together to the car. Yet, I […]

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Aware parenting, Musings, Parenthood, Parenting

Parenting: A Guilt Trap?

It was 1:30 PM, that time of the day when I prioritize napping over everything else when the phone rang. The caller id flashed a familiar number. I paused, considered letting it go to voicemail and then picked it up. We spoke about a great number of things but the bulk of our conversation was […]

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Musings, Parenting

Flying Solo

I wake up in the dead of the night. Squinting, I realize it is 2:00 AM. I slide out of Laddu’s bed noiselessly and pad my way to my bed. Even as I decide to use the restroom, Laddu plods in behind me, her plaintive cry raising my hackles. Irritably, I climb into the cold […]

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Daughters, Musings, Parenting

Sibling Rivalry 2.0

“Akka, can you play blocks with me?” Laddu looks at Pattu with pleading eyes. Her Akka looks condescendingly at the magnetic blocks strewn at Laddu’s feet and walks away not deigning to respond. “Akka, open your mouth, I will feed you the gummy vitamins,” Laddu is on tiptoe trying to reach Ammu’s mouth. Ammu’s lips […]

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Aware parenting, Musings, Parenting

Never About You

I am almost done with cooking. I look at the kovakkai stir-fry one last time, taking in the crisp discs before turning the heat off. I pair lunch bags with school bags, remember to stick water bottles into side pockets and check my calendar for specials that day. Pattu has library today. I pull the […]

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Daughters, Kids, Love, Musings, Parenthood, Parenting

When I am Gone

She flicks a tear from her cheek, her nervous laugh a cover for unexpected emotion. Pattu reaches out, her fingers lacing themselves through mine. Ammu is on my lap, her neck nestled in the crook of my neck and shoulder. She nuzzles, her cheeks wet with tears. I am overwhelmed. By the tears. By the […]

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Musings, Parenting, Vent

The Hamster Wheel That Is Parenting

I watch the wet grinder turn, the steel drum distorting my image as it moves. I watch mesmerized, catching a break in what has been an exhausting day. I take a moment to wonder why I feel like this almost all days and realize it is not one thing or one day. It is the […]

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Life, Musings, Parenthood, Parenting, Personal, reflections

A Good Parent

The timer on the microwave went off signaling it was time for me to leave. I turned the stove off shouting a thousand instructions at the kids, the spouse and my mom as I left. I opted to take the longer, winding back roads to the kid’s school. The radio was on and the ethics […]

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Children, Life, Musings, Parenthood, Parenting

Sisters, Forever.

They sit side by side, their blonde locks sticking up with the static in the air. They leave a trail of hats, winter jackets, gloves and scarfs from the door to the kitchen. I lay their school bags between them and me, a buffer that gives me time to really wake from my nap and […]

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Blues, Musings, Parenthood, Parenting

Beating The Blues, Tomorrow.

I walk in after dropping my youngest daughter at daycare. I see evidence of the morning rush near the shoe rack. Shoes strewn all over. I am tempted to put them back in order but I move on. I open the door only to stumble on a half naked doll by the cedar chest housing […]

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Daughters, Kids, Musings, Parenting

Empathy, Not Discipline

It was the week before the 2016-17 school year began. The Friday before first day of school, I sat on a folding chair at the elementary school, a pink paisley purse by my side, watching the office manager answer the phone, jest around with the teachers and smile at me. I could hear the deep […]

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Kids, Musings, Parenting

The Charades I Play

It is drizzling, water spraying on me from trees bent with rain water. I skip over one puddle to land right in the middle of another. Rivulets of water snake past my feet as I move towards my car. I am in no particular hurry. My bag dangles from one arm, my phone on the […]

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Kids, Musings, Parenting

Tantrums

I open the door to the cool, semi dark room that houses over 7 toddlers today. Soothing music is piped overhead and I see small forms gently rising and falling as they breathe, as if in sync. I spy Laddu in a corner and stand over her, towering and wondering if she will sense my […]

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