I am bopping to I Wonder by JHope ft Jungkook as I savor my ghee toasted bread this morning when Amma eyeing me from across the island goes “You used to listen to Vishnu Sahasranamam every morning even loudly singing along…” The wistfulness in her voice tinged with passive aggressiveness makes me pause. I am surprised that I am not defensive. It is true. I spent most of the pandemic years loudly chanting sahasranamam in the morning, every single day.

I don’t remember what I replied but the comment stayed with me for a while. As I rooted around in my messy closet for clothes to wear, I could feel it forming, the word cloud that would eventually become a post.

“Alexa, play I Wonder by JHope” I commanded before I stepped into the shower. “Alexa, repeat this song” I yelled when it came to a close.

“Jungkook over Jagannatha? V over Vishnu? RM over Ranganatha…”

I was having a blast as ideas collided in my head. In the process of sorting out those thoughts, it came to me. My reaction this morning was because of the mental space I am in these days. In the 2000s, the sonorous voice of M. S. Subbulakshmi was a constant in the morning as I grasped for peace and strength to see through another day. Infertility is insidious. What starts as longing for a baby eventually takes over you as a person and makes it your sole identity. Faith in the divine saw me through those days. I am not a temple person. Neither can I sit still in front of a framed picture and supplicate myself. I find solace in music. Carnatic music in those days with its rich timbre and deep notes filled that need. As I chanted aloud, I surrendered in full.

This habit sustained me through various other phases in life. Whenever I feel like I have exhausted my options, I surrender and, when I do, I turn to my fail safe Vishnu Sahasranamam.

In the past two years though, I am in a place where my aspirations are higher. It carries a go big or go home energy. My goals are in the stratosphere so possibility of success is negligible. I am not fervent in my prayers nor desperate enough for anything. My days are imbued with a lightness that comes from knowing I am in a good space. I call this my IDGAF era.

BTS came into my life in this phase. They carry with them the ultimate underdog energy. From being unknown in 2013, their stratospheric journey inspires me. I relate to the mother hen energy of Jin, the sage like energy of RM, the baby girl energy of Jungkook, the old man energy of V, the flirtatiousness of Jimin, the laid back feeling JHope inspires and, the IDGAF vibe that is Suga. Each morning, I play their songs on loop. My body moves of its own accord. I feel light, hopeful, happy.

I have no idea if the Bhakti movement would have been inclusive but if it did, Jungkook’s voice will be my conduit to salvation. Kpop will replace Carnatic in my lexicon. Music truly transcends borders both imagined and natural.

Music Reflections BTS Jungkook k-pop KPOP Music Musings Reflections