Amazon Accounts Payable reads the email notification at the top of my phone. I click on it too hurriedly only to realize I need to log in to check the details. An hour later, kitchen chores done, walk after dinner done, kids suitably engrossed in their phones and Amma downstairs in bed, I finally sit in my study and open my laptop.

0.07$ reads the number under the royalty column. I hoot with laughter. I am not sure what I was expecting. I click on the little arrow that indicates the details are hidden. I drill down and feel grateful and sober.

I occasionally hear from people who want to write books and publish them. I know, since I was that people a few years ago, reaching out to others who had been published before. These conversations are predictable. We start with the writing process, talk a bit about the route to being traditionally published and end with exploring vanity publishing, hybrid publishing and, self publishing.

In the almost four months since I self published my contemporary fiction Hindsight, I realize things I was not aware of before. Things I knew clinically but now hits me with force. I tell myself that I published my book because I wanted to get the story out. I tell myself that publication is the goal not the money.

But, it stings.

If I am being real with myself, it strips down my argument that I create for the joy in the process and lays bare the fact that if there is no validation or a tangible return on the time and effort, my urge to create is drastically reduced. It also tells me that the time and effort I invested in polishing my work is lacking. It tells me that I have not invested enough in marketing and selling my book baby. All of it is true.

Beyond uploading it on the different platforms that make it easy for me to sell my book, I have done little else. I find the process of crying myself hoarse on social media tiring. I haven’t yet reached out to local bookstores to talk about my book. I seem to lack the energy and the drive to do all I can to make this thing work.

So, while the numbers from today’s payment notification seems laughably little, it is still an indicator that someone, somewhere took a chance on an unknown writer. I know this month’s notifications are likely the last I will see as they reflect sales from April. There have been none in June and there likely will be none going forward.

It is sobering. It is also eye opening.

The business of being an author is much more than writing and editing. It is being capable of formatting, understanding technology and configuring the zillion little things that make that digital product something that can be sold.

It is being your own PR person. It is being your marketer. It is building your brand. It is being a sales person. It is about giving more than you can ask. It is about being a good literary citizen. It is about building community.

Above all, it is about being tenacious and growing a thick skin.

So, that next book in my head feels a little further today than it was yesterday.

Book Books Musings Reflections Writing author Author life Books Personal Publishing Reflections Royalties Self publishing Truth Writing