The foot massager emits a comforting whine as it kneads and presses my aching soles. I let out an audible gasp of relief even as I mindlessly flit between the various social media pages I have open in front of me. It is a Saturday morning. Amma is on the phone spilling tea. Saathi is in the kitchen prepping the material I need to make lunch. Laddu is sipping on coffee commenting on her YouTube channel stats. Ammu is back in her room and Pattu is drinking her tea lost in music pounding through her headphones.
At the moment, I feel a quiet joy that comes from contentment. School is out for the summer. I am waiting on a few writing related deadlines. After the buzz of the two premieres, all is silent on the documentary front. I have books to be read. My Amazon orders page is a mile long, the anticipation of delivery is enough to keep me excited for a day or two.
This week, I will mark twenty four years of being married to Saathi. This year feels like the cusp of the next era in our relationship. The children are older. Our worlds are so divergent that a Venn diagram is two separate circles. So, when we spend time together, it is intentional. I am looking forward to what the next decade will bring.
I did not have the luxury of falling in love before I committed to a lifetime with him. Now, it feels like I have the time and intention to do so. Over the many years, as much as I have had my differences with him, I realize I admire his ability to stay true to himself in every circumstance. With the pressures of parenting moving from the physical to the emotional and mental, we each carry the load differently.
Staring into the fifties without the pressures of the extraneous labels that were foisted on me, I am finally able to look at marriage objectively. As we stood in front of an audience after the documentary premiere and Saathi declared that he finally understands and respects how much I have poured into raising our children, it felt sweet.
As I grudgingly cave to his and Laddu’s pleas to bring a puppy home, I realize I do it because I love them. Love now takes the form of self care. As I tend to myself and allow him the space to tend to himself, I realize this is what it is all about.
Two separate people, being intentional in how they choose to spend the time they have together. Two people acknowledging that they are each individuals with specific interests that may or may not overlap and respecting those choices. Two people coming together to care for the brood they have brought into their lives, to put aside individual ideas for the greater common good.
It is the coming together and moving apart that defines this phase in our lives. So, as we step into the beginning of our sunset years, I realize there is no one else I would do it with.
Happy anniversary, Saathi. I love you.
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