“Felix, come here. Come here baby…”

Pattu’s high pitched baby talk sounds so good to me. Ammu is walking around with the twelve week old puppy draped over her shoulders the way one carries a human baby. Saathi is on the mattress in the dark, patting Felix through the bars of his crate late at night each time the little one whines. Laddu is sitting with her phone as Felix baby naps next to her, his body half on the mattress and half out. Amma holds out a scrap of carrot he sniffs and discards disdainfully. I walk around cleaning spray in hand – wiping, disinfecting and cleaning pee and poop around the house.

It’s been a chaotic 18 hours since a new baby joined the family. It happened against all my protestations. It happened by sheer force of collective will of the rest of the household. I have a list of to-dos on my calendar. Vet visit. Grooming calendar. Messages out to friends to find dog sitters and doggie daycare for when we may need it. I look up puppy training videos when I have a spare minute. I take him out for a short walk every two hours. It’s not even a full 24 hours and I am exhausted.

We brought a dog home in 2017. Three weeks later, I walked back on my decision. This time feels different. The girls are older. I am resigned. The puppy has a different temperament. I am hoping the next few months fly past and we get to the stage where I don’t have to be hyper vigilant all the time.

Wish me luck, people.