Jaded, Faded.

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com Laddu was at her school desk painstakingly taping Dum-Dum pops to her dinosaur sticker valentine cards. She was excited. It is all she has been talking about this week. Today, when she is back home, she will bring with her a box full of valentine cards, an assortment of … Continue reading Jaded, Faded.

COVID-19 Diaries: Anniversary

Photo by Văn Thắng on Pexels.com Nineteen years is a long time. It is even when you factor in the first few years when you are getting to know the person, the next few years when you are struggling to build a family, the years after that are consumed by nurturing this hard-built family. We … Continue reading COVID-19 Diaries: Anniversary

Ten Years. Many Lessons.

  This week marks ten years since we went from being a couple to parents of twins. Each year I struggle with marking the day. Obviously, it is of import to me. It also is of import to my children in ways I cannot measure or understand. I consciously stay away from anything celebratory. I … Continue reading Ten Years. Many Lessons.

Building A Sonata

Earlier this week, a friend shared this letter (excerpt 3). Words that have stuck with me for over two decades now when I first discovered Bach and the Bridge Across Forever. There was even a time when I thought I could not get married to someone who cannot discuss stuff like this with me. Eighteen years … Continue reading Building A Sonata

A Good Man

I am sending some emails when a new one downloads. Saathi the name reads and my face breaks into a smile. Reflexive, something I cannot control. The subject says, “Your PECO bill” and I almost laugh. In the ten days I have been away from home, I haven’t caught myself thinking about him or the … Continue reading A Good Man

State Of The Union – Sixteen Years

I watch him squint in the twilight, his face looking bare without glasses. “Can you read this?” he holds a tiny molded toy (Tsum Tsum for the initiated). I look at it in turn and give it back. I can barely see anything. “Made in China,” he reads and looks at me expectantly. I stare … Continue reading State Of The Union – Sixteen Years

Paying Tributes Over Time and Space

I eye the phone longingly. My fingers itch to dial Amma’s cell phone number but I desist. I can picture my family this morning. All of my dad’s siblings and their spouses gathered to observe the yearly anniversary of my Thatha’s passing. I imagine the kitchen busy, bustling. I can almost see my aunts and … Continue reading Paying Tributes Over Time and Space

The Very Many Firsts

The window over my sink lets in a mottled mix of sun and clouds. A grey sky putting up a good resistance to the Sun. I stand there rooting for the Sun and smiling a goofy smile. I sip on my coffee and reach for my phone. I scroll through my pictures selecting randomly. Each … Continue reading The Very Many Firsts

Tripping On Memories

  I love looking back. I collect memories. I relive the years gone past. I look into old photographs and see past the people in the pictures. I am transported back to slivers of time preserved in my head. These memories, they swirl in my head like in a pensieve, dragging me along into corridors … Continue reading Tripping On Memories

Pebbles in the sands of time

I stand by the bathtub watching you massage our baby with oil. The sun streams in from the half-open blinds from the picture window over the tub. The greys in your hair glint as they catch the sun. Your brows are furrowed in concentration as you turn her over and rub gentle circles. A smile … Continue reading Pebbles in the sands of time

Of old and new. Dads and daughters

I stood by the window over the sink looking out into the dull, drab day. The sky was overcast and grey. Cold rain drizzled and left shiny streaks along the bricks in the patio. My thoughts were back seven years remembering the final moments with my dad. Time ticked by as he drew his last. … Continue reading Of old and new. Dads and daughters

Tis the time for thanks

I watch as Saathi cajoles and sweet talks the twins into posing for pictures. It is a regular Sunday. Toys are lined on the stairs leading to our upper level. Laughter reverberates around the home. I watch dad and daughters soak up each other and feel a pang. This time of the year reminds me … Continue reading Tis the time for thanks

Just the journey. Never a destination.

I flip through the pictures in our wedding album.Loud. Vibrant. Chaotic. Happy.Each picture tells a story. Of expectations and dreams. Behind the powder caked face lies unexpressed fears and hopes. I watch my appa bend back as he holds my weight. As you tie the thaali around my neck, I notice my dad's posture is … Continue reading Just the journey. Never a destination.

Memories don’t fade

Yesterday was one of those days when I woke with a heaviness in my heart. The kind you keep to yourself. All day, it lay there subtly beneath the layers without rearing its head. Sitting across my amma, it finally popped out. The untold, unasked questions. Are you feeling sad I asked. Did not think … Continue reading Memories don’t fade

Ten Treasured Years!

Eager eyes, heart beating faster, I spy the rather large car filled with people come to a stop before the house. I suddenly feel nervous. I run upstairs before anyone has a chance to catch me at my most vulnerable moment. I slink back unseen, mustering courage, a smile firmly in place. I sit on … Continue reading Ten Treasured Years!

This Day That Year

For once when the alarm went off at 5:00 AM this morning I did not wake up with a startle wondering if it had to be morning already. You see, since yesterday evening my mind and emotions have been on overdrive rewinding the days, weeks and months back to this calendar date last year. My … Continue reading This Day That Year

One turn around the Sun

As the days close in on the end of January when my life as I knew it changed for ever last year, I am flooded with memories of the convoluted ways in which the heavens conspired to bring Kay and Cee into our lives. One year, 3000  odd photos and 500 plus videos later, we are … Continue reading One turn around the Sun

In memoriam

Today marks four years to the day since Appa breathed his last. As my mother, sister and I stood around his bedside and watched the monitor mark the end, it also marked the end of an era. A period of my life marked by unconditional, silent love. Today as I grieve the loss of my … Continue reading In memoriam

Nine and counting

You stand by the doorway one hand on the door, shooting lingering glances at our daughters. You bend down one more time to kiss them good-bye before you leave for work. I watch as you reluctantly close the door behind you giving me a quick nod as you go down the stairs. I hear the … Continue reading Nine and counting

Remembering Appa

Late yesterday evening as the closing credits rolled on screen after the movie ended, I was a sobbing blubbery mess. The lines were fuzzy between the body on the funeral pyre on TV and the one of Appa in my mind. That one image was enough to send me back three years in time to … Continue reading Remembering Appa