Lakshmi G. Iyer

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Invisible bonds

See Amma! See!!!

My niece dutifully pointed to the stack of cubes that her Chitappa built for her, her excitement and glee transforming her face into a radiant ball of delight. Even as the evening passed by wrapped in her antics, that particular moment remained etched in my mind. Her short chubby finger pointed to her mom, the joy of discovering that cubes can be stacked three feet high, her first impulse was to share it with the person who was most important in her life. Amma.

I played the scene over and over in my head amazed at the connections children forge. Why Amma? Why not Appa? a voice niggled uncomfortably. Growing up I am not sure how much I remember of my Appa playing with me or even being around as much as Amma. Is it any wonder that I still reach out for Amma every time I have something to share or vent?

But in the times we live in, dads are as involved in child rearing as moms are starting with diaper cleaning to feeding to rocking them to sleep. Yet, my little niece turns face aglow first to her mom before her eyes search for dad. Am sure there are exceptions to the rule but I can’t help wondering if there is something behind the bonds of being held in the womb that extend for the rest of our lives.

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12 responses to “Invisible bonds”

  1. Arch Avatar
    Arch

    That is a wonderful post and I love the way you have put it forth. I have this feeling that its to do with skin to skin contact at times. The child feels a security blanket with the mother coz the mother is the only person that can feed the child breastmilk. I could be wrong….but I am noticing this in Anya too and Anand is so wonderful with the baby but she steers to me first and especially when she has a crying fit or in the nights. Its almost like I am her security blanket.

    Reply
    1. Laksh Avatar
      Laksh

      It amazes me each time I see it. Guess nature trumps nurture in this department.

      Reply
  2. Shalu Avatar
    Shalu

    I guess the last line sums it up.
    Maybe when you are down, mom is the one who listens and cares and dad gives a solution when all we need is just someone who can listen to us. Not that its wrong, its just the way dads are. Maybe.

    Reply
    1. Laksh Avatar
      Laksh

      You hit the nail on the head!! Smart girl. 🙂

      Reply
  3. Abi Avatar
    Abi

    Lovely post again! I am watching the same with Vidhu.
    When ever she wakes up the first thing she wants to see is my face and when she does anything new she needs my attention in that . I think it may be the child’s nature 🙂 like mom first..

    Reply
    1. Laksh Avatar
      Laksh

      I can totally imagine that. Miss you guys.

      Reply
  4. shy Avatar
    shy

    I thought, lot of girls are very close to their fathers. I am totally a mommy’s girl. my girl is more dady’s girl specially when she needs some pampering.

    so I don’t know..can’t make out Laksh. I think the important thing is that the kids share a close relationship with atleast one of the parents, mom or dad.
    shy

    Reply
    1. Laksh Avatar
      Laksh

      Good to hear a different perspective. I agree with you specially on the last line.

      Reply
  5. slk Avatar
    slk

    Your post’s timing is perfect.
    Believe it or not, I just put the phone down after checking on how my son is doing at the daycare. He was crying his heart out calling “amma” when leaving. Simple reason: appa was dropping him instead of amma.
    And appa is fuming there – why not? I too want to do things for him. I too love him dearly.
    Now who do I console?

    Reply
    1. Laksh Avatar
      Laksh

      Good question! No idea. Guess one of those few mysteries that have no answers.

      Reply
  6. Suman Avatar
    Suman

    You brought a nice point across this post – kids derive their sense of self worth from their parents..!

    Moms by nature tend to be more nurturing and protective (not that dads are not, just the degrees are different), and perhaps kids pick up those vibes.

    P.S.: keep these posts coming, lakshmusings has been missed!

    Reply
    1. Laksh Avatar
      Laksh

      Your comment brings me back to my internal debate on nurture vs nature considering what we are going through now. Fodder for another post. Will do soon.

      Reply

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