COVID-19 Diaries: Pandemic Pets

I watch as my middle child sneaks furtively into the kitchen and scamper out with a disposable plastic container. I call out to her and she freezes. She hands over the container and refuses to answer my questions on what it was for. I am miffed and curious but not suspicious yet. A little while … Continue reading COVID-19 Diaries: Pandemic Pets

COVID-19 Diaries: Glimmers of Hope

Photo by Dominika Roseclay on Pexels.com I am on a work call. I am distracted by incoming messages. At some point, I request the rest of the day off and focus on the messages on my phone instead. There are different sets. One with Amma. One with my siblings. One for my medically competent friends. … Continue reading COVID-19 Diaries: Glimmers of Hope

COVID-19 Diaries: Doom

Photo by Tyler Lastovich on Pexels.com My right eye twitches. I press my finger on the jumping nerve to still it. Tears poke behind my eyelids. My eyes burn. I am feeling feverish from a lack of sleep and running on adrenaline for two weeks now. My phone lights up with a notification. An extended … Continue reading COVID-19 Diaries: Doom

COVID-19 Diaries: Direct Hit

Photo by Jonathan Borba on Pexels.com Over the weeks, I have mused countless times about how much the pandemic occupies my thoughts. I have imagined in vivid detail what the virus does and can do to our bodies. I have feared that someone dear to me might be affected. Amma spiked a fever ten days … Continue reading COVID-19 Diaries: Direct Hit

Contrarian Love

"Can I get a pair of diamond solitaire earrings?" My tone is playful. He responds with gravity, asking me a zillion questions and finally pronounces that yes he will. "Can we adopt twins?" His immediate reaction is one of incredulity and anger. The next morning, he is sheepish as he agrees to expand our family … Continue reading Contrarian Love

Ten Years. Many Lessons.

  This week marks ten years since we went from being a couple to parents of twins. Each year I struggle with marking the day. Obviously, it is of import to me. It also is of import to my children in ways I cannot measure or understand. I consciously stay away from anything celebratory. I … Continue reading Ten Years. Many Lessons.

Love That Spilleth Over

Laddu peeks in the study and noticing I am on a work call, closes the door gently behind her as she runs upstairs in search of akkas. Her pigtails bounce up and down as she scampers away and my heart swells with a feeling that feels too big for me.  I am disoriented by the … Continue reading Love That Spilleth Over

Vacation Tales

We (my children and I) returned from a ten-day trip to Texas late last night. Exhaustion had us sleeping well into the morning. All day today I unpacked and prepped for the week ahead. Milk boiled away in anticipation of making curds. The grinder whirred all evening making a fine silky batter of rice and … Continue reading Vacation Tales

Filial Expectations

I am at the stove deep frying thenkuzhal, a golden extrusion of rice and lentil flours fried and drained on paper towels before being inhaled. Amma stands next to me painstakingly filling the extruder for me to use for the next round. She then walks over to cut cabbage for the evening dinner. She is … Continue reading Filial Expectations

Milestone: Five Years Old

“Can I towel myself off?” “Can I put Aveeno all by myself?” “Can you help me with my shirt?” “Can you warm this pasta up?” “What did you pack for lunch today?” “Can I have some chutney please?” This girl of mine is exceedingly polite. She says sorry and thank you. She asks for permission … Continue reading Milestone: Five Years Old

Milestone: Ten Years Old

Pattu bounds down the stairs each morning, a full hour before her sister Ammu wakes. Some days she hugs me around the middle. Some days, she sits at the island waiting for her dad to wake and give her company as she brushes. Our early morning conversations are limited but a growing reminder of how … Continue reading Milestone: Ten Years Old

Non Anniversaries

Saathi’s voice modulates up and down to match Laddu’s enthusiasm at the little table by the kitchen island. Laddu is on her tiny pink chair. Her toy from the dollar store named Gem is cooking on the molded one-piece kitchenette propped against a stack of books on the table. Saathi is next to her, his … Continue reading Non Anniversaries

Big Little Things

The clock is yet to strike 8:00 am. The twins and Saathi have left for school and work. Laddu is still at the island dipping her coin dosais in a mix of thayir and chutney and savoring each morsel. I make my round picking up coffee mugs, discarded plates, and crumbs on the floor. A … Continue reading Big Little Things

Family Is Love

My feet hurt. The delicious kind of ache that comes from knowing all of your work is done and all that stretches ahead of you is a night of dreamless sleep. I have been meticulously unpacking suitcases, folding clothes and putting them away. The process has taken me longer than it should because I stumbled … Continue reading Family Is Love

Love Is All That Matters

My iWatch shows 6:46 AM. The king size bed I am in is curiously populated. I am on one side almost at the edge of my side. My youngest is way past the middle on dad’s side of the bed. A little away is Pattu breathing heavily and making it known she is awake and … Continue reading Love Is All That Matters

Losses Unknown

“Can you show me a picture of thatha?” Laddu asks, thrusting an old album at me. “Sure!” I say as I flip open the book. In my head, I am thinking Giri thatha, my Appa who never knew his granddaughters. I know though that she is talking about Rajamani thatha, the only one she has … Continue reading Losses Unknown

How To Make A Family

In June this year, I workshopped a piece at the Yale Writers' Workshop. While this piece is a rehash of a story I have recounted many times on the blog, this was an experiment trying to write in the second person. The piece went live on Mutha Magazine today. I am happy to hear from … Continue reading How To Make A Family

Echoes From The Past

The moon is a faint echo on the horizon as I drive back home from the daycare. It is way too late in the morning to catch the moon. I turn into my housing development and it is no longer in view. This has been an unusual week so it makes sense I see a … Continue reading Echoes From The Past

Siblings And Cousins

I scroll through my photos feed on IG and on impulse feel the need to upload one. Browsing through the pictures on my phone, I pause, move and come back to one picture. My sister is looking away in this one, her posture is relaxed, she is focused on brushing my daughter’s hair. Laddu is … Continue reading Siblings And Cousins

Like A Yo-yo

She rolls to and from me like a yo-yo, the weight of her body propelling her first one way and then another. I clutch at her something fierce and let go with just the same vigor. We are on the bed, Laddu and I. It has been a month since she has given up her … Continue reading Like A Yo-yo

Imposters: Life and Death

I lie in bed, in the dark, under the covers, the backlit screen of my phone casting an eerie glow. I am furiously typing or researching what a hip surgery in advanced age looks like. I look at the process, the preoperative parameters, postoperative care and mentally ready myself for all possibilities. I can do … Continue reading Imposters: Life and Death