Category: Life
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The Color Of Regret
The garage rattles noisily when I press the switch. I wince. It is not yet 6:00 am. The breeze feels deliciously chill when I drag the two-wheel toter that houses my garbage bags out to the edge of the driveway. I position it and return for the tub containing recycle trash. I stand for a…
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The Big C
The specter looms shadowy. I tell myself I should not go there. Trouble is anything I google leads me there. I ignore, I stay away from research. I rank the possibilities from the banal to the unthinkable. Menopause with all its problems, I can handle. The terminal illness I am not sure how to feel…
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Filial Expectations
I am at the stove deep frying thenkuzhal, a golden extrusion of rice and lentil flours fried and drained on paper towels before being inhaled. Amma stands next to me painstakingly filling the extruder for me to use for the next round. She then walks over to cut cabbage for the evening dinner. She is…
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Big Little Things
The clock is yet to strike 8:00 am. The twins and Saathi have left for school and work. Laddu is still at the island dipping her coin dosais in a mix of thayir and chutney and savoring each morsel. I make my round picking up coffee mugs, discarded plates, and crumbs on the floor. A…
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Drifting
I am on the phone with my Amma as she prepares to leave to India for the winter. My cell phone rings flashing the number of an old friend. I hang up and reach for my cell phone. This woman and I go back a decade, working alongside on a banking software product. We exchange…
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Silent Epidemics
Special Needs Mom. I roll over that label in my head. It feels alien, like when you first refer to yourself as Mrs or spell out your address to friends for the first time. You are not quite sure how you arrived there. But you are there, with all the baggage that comes with that…
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Equal Not Same
Laddu and I are at the library. She sports her gingerbread man shaped name tag with pride. Her eyes are bright, curious and taking everything in. The diminutive lady running the pre-k program at the library recognizes her even though it is only her second time there. The little table in front of us has…
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Epiphany: You Hold The Keys In Your Hand
Amma and I are on the phone. “In our entire extended family, whom do you think is the most successful,” I ask. “What do you mean? In what sense?” she counters. “Whatever is your parameter for success,” I say and wait patiently for her to reply. I can almost hear her mental wheels spinning. She…
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Slice Of Life: Watching Children Grow
Laddu stands in front of me, her body leaner, taller than I thought. I liberally apply a moisturizer to her skin that drinks it in. Her long hair is in braids, one on either side of her face. The baby fat is melting away leaving in place a little girl who is growing way too…
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In The Eyes Of The Beholder
The house is quiet. Saathi is clacking away at his keyboard at our kitchen island. I am tempted to go find what the girls are up to. Instead, I find a pair of socks, wear my sneakers and head out for a walk. It is fall weather. The sidewalk all around the community I live…