The Race Conversation

“What is the meaning of race?” My elbows are flat against the kitchen island, my face level with my girls. “Run?” “Bring children up?” The twins come up with every possible meaning but the one I was curious to know what they knew. We drank our kaapi, set Laddu up so she could Facetime her … Continue reading The Race Conversation

Milestone: Fifth Grade Graduation

For the last day of the school year, today did not seem any different from the three months preceding this. When the school decided to close on March 13th, there were no goodbyes, no last day pictures, no walkouts to cheering children, no teary-eyed parents waiting in the wings to ferry their children to douse … Continue reading Milestone: Fifth Grade Graduation

COVID-19 Diaries: Life Goes On

It is a bright, sunny day. All through the day, I alternate work, kitchen and online studies with the kids. There is a point towards the end of the workday when I throw in the towel, order the kids off their iPad, their IXL sessions be damned and head out for a bit of fresh … Continue reading COVID-19 Diaries: Life Goes On

COVID-19 Diaries: Birthday Edition

Today was a day I had a lot planned for my twins. Ice cream cake, pizza, a sleepover with friends and possibly surprise gifts. Instead, we woke up to giggling girls, skipped breakfast, ate badam kathli, downed a simple kootu and rice for lunch, napped and cuddled as a family and spent the rest of … Continue reading COVID-19 Diaries: Birthday Edition

Ten Years. Many Lessons.

  This week marks ten years since we went from being a couple to parents of twins. Each year I struggle with marking the day. Obviously, it is of import to me. It also is of import to my children in ways I cannot measure or understand. I consciously stay away from anything celebratory. I … Continue reading Ten Years. Many Lessons.

Growing Up

I pass Laddu’s bedroom en route to mine. A cutout of a rainbow is taped to her door. The door is closed. It bothers me but I can’t quite figure out why. I straighten the bed in Pattu’s room. All around me are signs of disorganization. I sigh and look up. On the ceiling right … Continue reading Growing Up

One Walk At A Time

It is growing dark. Pattu's flashlight bobs up and down in the dusk. I am walking beside her and watching her try to stamp on the beam's focal point. It is like watching a dog chase its tail. Exhausting and entertaining at the same time. I throw a question at her and hope to catch … Continue reading One Walk At A Time

Love That Spilleth Over

Laddu peeks in the study and noticing I am on a work call, closes the door gently behind her as she runs upstairs in search of akkas. Her pigtails bounce up and down as she scampers away and my heart swells with a feeling that feels too big for me.  I am disoriented by the … Continue reading Love That Spilleth Over

Notes From A Newly Minted Working Woman

I survey the place around me from my elevated perch. I am on the elliptical chanting Vishnu Sahasranamam while pushing my body to do more, to sweat more. Laddu walks down from the bed. Her hair is mussed, her face unwashed and sticky from sleep. She lazes on the sofa before me. The twins are … Continue reading Notes From A Newly Minted Working Woman

Becoming Our Mothers

In the midst of stir-frying a melange of vegetables for my children's’ lunchbox, I reach out for my phone. I shake the pan on one hand and scroll through my FB feed on the other. I set the pan down and lean on the kitchen counter as I catch up on writing-related posts. Next up … Continue reading Becoming Our Mothers

Milestone: Ten Years Old

Pattu bounds down the stairs each morning, a full hour before her sister Ammu wakes. Some days she hugs me around the middle. Some days, she sits at the island waiting for her dad to wake and give her company as she brushes. Our early morning conversations are limited but a growing reminder of how … Continue reading Milestone: Ten Years Old

Equal Not Same

Laddu and I are at the library. She sports her gingerbread man shaped name tag with pride. Her eyes are bright, curious and taking everything in. The diminutive lady running the pre-k program at the library recognizes her even though it is only her second time there. The little table in front of us has … Continue reading Equal Not Same

Love Is All That Matters

My iWatch shows 6:46 AM. The king size bed I am in is curiously populated. I am on one side almost at the edge of my side. My youngest is way past the middle on dad’s side of the bed. A little away is Pattu breathing heavily and making it known she is awake and … Continue reading Love Is All That Matters

Slice Of Life: Watching Children Grow

Laddu stands in front of me, her body leaner, taller than I thought. I liberally apply a moisturizer to her skin that drinks it in. Her long hair is in braids, one on either side of her face. The baby fat is melting away leaving in place a little girl who is growing way too … Continue reading Slice Of Life: Watching Children Grow

Adoption: Complex, Nuanced, Heavy

The music of my teenage fills my ears as I walk and I feel a sense of being cocooned. I hum along with numbers I can remember. The beauty of Urdu washes over me and I am happy. The way one is happy for no reason. Last night, I sat on a two-seater sofa with … Continue reading Adoption: Complex, Nuanced, Heavy

Why Homework?

The lights are on at the breakfast table and the dining table. I walk, swinging my arms, hoping my iWatch will count the strides toward exercise minutes. Laddu ambles behind me clicking her flashlight on and off to illuminate what she considers dark corners of the house. Ammu is bent over her homework, way past … Continue reading Why Homework?

Annual Rituals: Back To School

“It’s not fair!” I exclaim to Ammu as the pile of hand-me-downs for Laddu grows in height. “That poor child always wears old stuff.” Ammu is silent as she chews on my remark. In a voice that is careful she says “No, you do actually get her new things.” I let go of my mock … Continue reading Annual Rituals: Back To School

A Tale Of Two Mothers

It is dusk, the clouds have been gathering in force all through the day, threatening rain. I am in my study after what feels like ages. For a week I have been tending to my guests, cooking, cleaning, worrying and walking. Today, the house feels quiet, calm, normal. On Monday, the mother of my older … Continue reading A Tale Of Two Mothers

Girl Code

Laddu is seated at the island, her stubby legs swinging off the tall chair as she watches her sisters come in from school, wash up and take their seats. It is our daily ritual. The kids at the island while I buzz about preparing coffee, setting out snacks and going through their school bags. My … Continue reading Girl Code

Like A Yo-yo

She rolls to and from me like a yo-yo, the weight of her body propelling her first one way and then another. I clutch at her something fierce and let go with just the same vigor. We are on the bed, Laddu and I. It has been a month since she has given up her … Continue reading Like A Yo-yo

Sibling Rivalry 2.0

“Akka, can you play blocks with me?” Laddu looks at Pattu with pleading eyes. Her Akka looks condescendingly at the magnetic blocks strewn at Laddu’s feet and walks away not deigning to respond. “Akka, open your mouth, I will feed you the gummy vitamins,” Laddu is on tiptoe trying to reach Ammu’s mouth. Ammu’s lips … Continue reading Sibling Rivalry 2.0