As November draws to a close and Thanksgiving wraps up, I am spending this evening reflecting on the year that has been. November in particular is a heavy month for me as it marks that time of the year when grief visits. That it is also Adoption Awareness Month weighs on me.

This year, I have been pondering how my thoughts on adoption have morphed. If the years when the children were little and I was navigating the uncertain waters of openness made adoption the overarching narrative of my life, now it has receded to the periphery. My daughters are older and have their relationships with their birth families without my oversight. I am content to hear what they are willing to share, when they are willing to share. My relationship with my childrens’ parents is separate but equally important.

I no longer feel the compulsion to share my thoughts on adoption. Perhaps it is because the documentary on our family is creating those spaces where these conversations happen in the communities that matter. A large part of it is also that my daughters are now old enough to reflect on their life and share their lived experiences in their own ways.

What has not changed though is that openness is still treated as a marketing tool rather than a mindset that centers children by private domestic adoption agencies. I still get served ads on most social media that assumes I am looking to adopt a child. Most of these ads are hawking a product rather than talking about human lives.

All this to say that these conversations are important and I am happy to talk to anyone who needs a sounding board whilst navigating this rocky terrain.

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