Don’t Leave Yet

Around 4:45 pm one Saturday evening, our family of five stood at the intersection of two roads, by a fenced in parking lot, five of many in a winding line waiting for the doors to the Fillmore Philadelphia to open. It was windy, our light jackets just about enough to keep us from being too uncomfortable. I had a senior moment, saying hi a little too familiarly to a passing acquaintance, mistaking him for someone I thought I knew well. By 6:45 pm, we were in a cavernous indigo bathed room full of a mass of people. The stage was so dark I had trouble making anything out at all. The Eric Nam concert I had been waiting for over a few months was yet to start and my feet was already killing me.

And, then it started. Alexander Stewart came out and soulfully sang about five songs. My daughter Pattu sang along hitting the notes with ease making me proud. Ammu weaved in and out of the crowd preferring the less crowded back of the room. Laddu could barely see anything from where we were standing but she was sure she did not want to go anywhere else. After what felt eons, Eric appeared in a flash of light and the rest of the evening was fantastic. He engaged with the crowd well, sang and danced with abandon and made the experience everything I had hoped it would be.

On the ride home from the concert, I kept thinking how odd it was that at an age closer to 50 than 40, I was finally living my young adult life. In the crowded room, it was just me and the music in the dark. I did not care how I looked or if anyone was paying me attention. For those few hours, my head was empty, there were no thoughts, no anxieties, nothing to lift me out of that beautiful bubble I was in.

This morning, I played Alexander Stewart’s music on the speakers while I cooked. Husband and I chatted as we worked. Just for a moment, I wondered how it would have been if we had been this carefree couple in the decade before kids. We had the time and the money. We had the opportunity but music was lacking from our lives in the way it is today. We listened to Taylor Swift then in her country music girl avatar. There was a lot of Keith Urban filling our evenings but it was quiet and cozy in a different way.

Today, I chatted with my nieces sharing videos from our concert evening. I feel like this next phase of life will be music of a different kind. One that makes me feel young at heart and out of place.

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