Ten Years. Many Lessons.

  This week marks ten years since we went from being a couple to parents of twins. Each year I struggle with marking the day. Obviously, it is of import to me. It also is of import to my children in ways I cannot measure or understand. I consciously stay away from anything celebratory. I … Continue reading Ten Years. Many Lessons.

One Walk At A Time

It is growing dark. Pattu's flashlight bobs up and down in the dusk. I am walking beside her and watching her try to stamp on the beam's focal point. It is like watching a dog chase its tail. Exhausting and entertaining at the same time. I throw a question at her and hope to catch … Continue reading One Walk At A Time

Mother’s Day: Gratitude

Pattu enters through the garage, her backpack sliding off her shoulder and her right hand clutching a patterned paper bag. I reach out for it and she holds back, her smile leaking through her eyes. She hands me her backpack instead and heads right for her room. Ammu walks in next and brushes past me … Continue reading Mother’s Day: Gratitude

Mommy Tax

Laddu is on the kitchen island, her legs dangling off the edge. Large sunglasses cover more than half her face. I am feeling reflective and in the mood for conversation. “What is your destiny?” I ask as a follow-up to our discussion on the show Ever After High. She blinks. I go back to the … Continue reading Mommy Tax

Motherhood, Cleaved

cleave1split or sever (something), especially along a natural line or grain."the large ax his father used to cleave wood for the fire" cleave2stick fast to."Rose's mouth was dry, her tongue cleaving to the roof of her mouth" adhere strongly to (a particular pursuit or belief)."part of why we cleave to sports is that excellence is … Continue reading Motherhood, Cleaved

Mommy, Mommy: The Soundtrack To My Life

My hands circles her tiny body, my face pressed against her back as she sits and turns the pages of the Llama Llama book I got from the library. Her voice falls up and down, the cadence of it lulling me into a sense of bliss. I am almost asleep when she abruptly flings my … Continue reading Mommy, Mommy: The Soundtrack To My Life

Like A Wrecking Ball

I look at the dusk setting just outside the window of my dining room. The soles of my feet hurt from standing tad too long in the kitchen. My back aches from all the pots and pans that would not fit in the dishwasher. I am tired. I long to walk outside. To feel the … Continue reading Like A Wrecking Ball

Deconstructing Self Worth

I sit between two women at the tae kwon do class my twins are at. We trade smiles each time one of us turn toward another. We are tentative, jabbing, probing with our eyes, ears and spidey senses to see if there will be a connection. We have forty minutes to kill. Our younger ones … Continue reading Deconstructing Self Worth

BBC Asia Radio Interview 

The alarm went off at 3:00 AM and I stood sipping coffee in the cool back patio of my sister's home while my Amma sat on the recliner inside listening intently to the radio online. She made a picture. Her eyes narrowed in focus, her glasses perched midway on her nose. Her coffee cup sat to … Continue reading BBC Asia Radio Interview 

On Motherhood and Curated Lives

I woke up to outrage on social media yesterday over the remarks of a minor celeb in India following Women’s Day. My first thought was why amplify one voice over millions of saner ones. I let it be and moved on to other flaming issues. Then again this morning was a slightly smaller, more intimate … Continue reading On Motherhood and Curated Lives

Parenting – A No-Win Game?

I watch as Ammu steps out of the garage into the sun. I watch as she mulls walking through the puddle of rainwater in the middle of the driveway. I will her to turn, to acknowledge that I am there, standing, watching, hoping. She walks, eyes resolutely ahead. I swallow the lump at my throat … Continue reading Parenting – A No-Win Game?

Motherhood And Smugness

I look at the clock. It is not yet 10:00 AM. I mull herding Laddu up for her weekly oil bath and then stop at the sight of five huge overripe bananas crowding my fruit basket. I play rhymes on YouTube and seat Laddu on the sofa and preheat the oven. In the next twenty … Continue reading Motherhood And Smugness

On mothering the second time around

I am leaning over the crib where Laddu lies, legs up in the air. I am about to change her diaper when a little hand shoves a bottle of talc on the changing mat. I turn and Ammu stands arms extended. I take it from her and put it away as I explain why I … Continue reading On mothering the second time around

Notes to my past self

I lie sprawled on the couch. My feet touching Saathi's as he is stretched out at the other end. Laddu crawls back and forth aligning herself to the planes and angles of his body and the curves and contours of mine. I lie not asleep but in a deep state of exhaustion after what has … Continue reading Notes to my past self

Tooth fairy tales

I walk along the perimeter of my home, the bundle in my hand feeling heavier with each step. I pause as I hear the garage door roll. A smile involuntarily creeps up my face. I heave the baby to my shoulders and open the door. The sun rays slant, lighting up a part of the … Continue reading Tooth fairy tales

Letters to my daughters: Milestones

Dear Laddu, My left palm rests on the top of your head. The warmth from me seeping into you, lulling you into sleep. You smile in your sleep. I find myself mirroring you. The apples of your cheek shine with the sheen of the coconut oil I massaged into your skin. It was not too … Continue reading Letters to my daughters: Milestones

Reflections on Mother’s Day

"Describe Amma" I coax Pattu in an effort to catch her off guard. "Amma loves me" she answers even as she furrows her brow working on her mother's day card. "What do you like best about Amma?" I persist She thinks for a moment before answering and without lifting her head says "Hula-hooping" I smile and … Continue reading Reflections on Mother’s Day

The birth story

We set out, Saathi and I leaving pieces of ourselves behind as we turned the corner of our home. The garage doors rolled down behind us hiding Ammu, Pattu and my Amma from view. I held back tears as we set out on a new journey. The car ride to the hospital was silent and … Continue reading The birth story

Milestones that sneak up on you

Sometime late last year, I browsed the local schools online trying to find out what the process was like to register for Kindergarten. I got on mailing lists. I marked dates on my calendar and let it be. One fine morning I woke up to a gentle reminder that registration was coming up. The choices … Continue reading Milestones that sneak up on you

One year of (s)mothering

Dear Ammu and Pattu, This Sunday is Mother's Day. It will mark one more year of (s)mothering you with love and food. One year of worrying about potty training you and feeling elated when you graduated to underpants. One year of you sleeping all by yourself in your own bed. One year of eating by … Continue reading One year of (s)mothering

Bubbles and bikes

The clock showed a minute to 9:00 PM. The sole light in the vast expanse of our first floor came from the low hanging fixture above my head. I folded clothes. Mechanically and without thought. The evening had been rough. Potty regression? Check. Power struggles? Check. Yelling and screaming? Check. Haggling and cajoling? Check. Crying? … Continue reading Bubbles and bikes