Nineteen years is a long time. It is even when you factor in the first few years when you are getting to know the person, the next few years when you are struggling to build a family, the years after that are consumed by nurturing this hard-built family. We have both grown. We have both […]
Read moreSaaptiya?
The children troop in, one after another, tired, messy hair and cold. The routine is the same every day. I insist they put their boots away, hang up their jackets and use the bathroom before snack time. I stand by the kitchen island, three bulging school bags lined next to each other. I am methodical. […]
Read moreValentine’s Day: Flawed And Perfect
“I have two Master’s degrees you know?” I playfully tell my oldest daughter as we talk about why I should be working. The conversation stems from a chance remark about how exhausted I feel and she quips that perhaps I should quit as I did once before. “I probably will get another Masters after you […]
Read moreContrarian Love
“Can I get a pair of diamond solitaire earrings?” My tone is playful. He responds with gravity, asking me a zillion questions and finally pronounces that yes he will. “Can we adopt twins?” His immediate reaction is one of incredulity and anger. The next morning, he is sheepish as he agrees to expand our family […]
Read moreLove That Spilleth Over
Laddu peeks in the study and noticing I am on a work call, closes the door gently behind her as she runs upstairs in search of akkas. Her pigtails bounce up and down as she scampers away and my heart swells with a feeling that feels too big for me. I am disoriented by the […]
Read moreVacation Tales
We (my children and I) returned from a ten-day trip to Texas late last night. Exhaustion had us sleeping well into the morning. All day today I unpacked and prepped for the week ahead. Milk boiled away in anticipation of making curds. The grinder whirred all evening making a fine silky batter of rice and […]
Read moreBuilding A Sonata
Earlier this week, a friend shared this letter (excerpt 3). Words that have stuck with me for over two decades now when I first discovered Bach and the Bridge Across Forever. There was even a time when I thought I could not get married to someone who cannot discuss stuff like this with me. Eighteen years […]
Read moreMilestone: Ten Years Old
Pattu bounds down the stairs each morning, a full hour before her sister Ammu wakes. Some days she hugs me around the middle. Some days, she sits at the island waiting for her dad to wake and give her company as she brushes. Our early morning conversations are limited but a growing reminder of how […]
Read moreNon Anniversaries
Saathi’s voice modulates up and down to match Laddu’s enthusiasm at the little table by the kitchen island. Laddu is on her tiny pink chair. Her toy from the dollar store named Gem is cooking on the molded one-piece kitchenette propped against a stack of books on the table. Saathi is next to her, his […]
Read moreLove Is All That Matters
My iWatch shows 6:46 AM. The king size bed I am in is curiously populated. I am on one side almost at the edge of my side. My youngest is way past the middle on dad’s side of the bed. A little away is Pattu breathing heavily and making it known she is awake and […]
Read more#ToAllTheBoysIveLovedBefore
#ToAllTheBoysIveLovedBefore at the high school, I was too busy trying to not cry at being called fat, busy trying to fit in, busy trying to come out of the shadow of my beautiful friends. I was trying hard to stay awake in class after 5:00 AM tuitions and after-school remedial classes. I was too caught […]
Read moreA Good Man
I am sending some emails when a new one downloads. Saathi the name reads and my face breaks into a smile. Reflexive, something I cannot control. The subject says, “Your PECO bill” and I almost laugh. In the ten days I have been away from home, I haven’t caught myself thinking about him or the […]
Read moreLove In The Times Of Middle Age
Anniversaries have this way of inspiring reflection on who we were, who we are now. Each year as the week of Valentine’s day comes around, Saathi and I talk about the day we met and how we decided in a couple of hours that we were to be partners in life. I don’t think I […]
Read moreWhen I am Gone
She flicks a tear from her cheek, her nervous laugh a cover for unexpected emotion. Pattu reaches out, her fingers lacing themselves through mine. Ammu is on my lap, her neck nestled in the crook of my neck and shoulder. She nuzzles, her cheeks wet with tears. I am overwhelmed. By the tears. By the […]
Read moreCrushes and Blushes
Pattu says, “Amma, Ammu has a crush on M.” Ammu blushes a deep red. Then I ask Pattu “Do you still crush on L?” Pattu blushes deep red. Ammu tells Pattu “M is just a friend. Not a crush!” Pattu persists until Ammu relents “His name starts with C” We all take turns guessing until […]
Read moreState Of The Union – Sixteen Years
I watch him squint in the twilight, his face looking bare without glasses. “Can you read this?” he holds a tiny molded toy (Tsum Tsum for the initiated). I look at it in turn and give it back. I can barely see anything. “Made in China,” he reads and looks at me expectantly. I stare […]
Read moreTo The Moon And Back – We Love You
The sun slants in through the open glass of the side door. It feels warm against my face. All three kids surround me. One is convinced her sleeping bag needs a wash. The other two are taking their first delightful steps into the Harry Potter universe. The questions fly thick and fast. I can’t seem […]
Read moreTripping On Memories
I love looking back. I collect memories. I relive the years gone past. I look into old photographs and see past the people in the pictures. I am transported back to slivers of time preserved in my head. These memories, they swirl in my head like in a pensieve, dragging me along into corridors […]
Read moreA Rose By Any Other Name
In the past few weeks, my mind has been consumed by thoughts that can only be classified as morbid. Close on the heels of reading “When Breath Becomes Air” by Paul Kalanidhi and subsequently hearing of the loss of a cousin at a young age, I was driven by a need to distill my thoughts […]
Read moreCards, kisses and a whole lot of love
The house is quiet. The kids are in bed. Saathi is on the highway somewhere returning home from his first ever US Open visit. A few months ago, when he broached the subject of going to watch the Open with friends, I jumped at the idea. He was taken aback. I laughed as I told […]
Read moreSpace in the middle
We savor each moment. We look at the horizon together, our hands linked by the little ones in between.
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