Category: Feelings
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Hey! I can touch my feet and other notes
A little over two weeks postpartum, I am discovering things about me I had forgotten. Like how I can actually put my socks on myself or how I can see past my tummy to my feet and gasp! I can actually bend down and soap my feet. The learnings have mostly been pleasant and there…
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Falling in love
It is late afternoon. I sit with my baby on my arm. Her head is cradled by the crook of my elbow and the rest of her ensconced along the length of my arm. I hold her close and bend down to touch my lips to her forehead. She scrunches her face and looks towards…
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D-Day
It is 10:00 AM. Tonight is when I get admitted at the hospital. I sit in front of my laptop with a cup of warm barley water by my side. The to-do lists are scrolling through my head but all I feel is malaise. It is chilly inside the house. I pull my sweater closer.…
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Natural instincts
For days, the anxiety has been building. A feeling of restlessness and a fear that I will never be prepared enough. A week back, I trudged to the basement and hauled a suitcase two floors up. It sat there on my dresser collecting toys and odd scraps of paper that the twins decided was essential…
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Time honored traditions
As I turned the lights out last Tuesday night, the last thing imprinted on my mind were the plastic bags with fruit, flowers, parupu thengai and silver vessels laid out on the kitchen island. A day of meticulous preparation and gathering of items needed for a puja the next day at the temple. In my…
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Things that make my heart go Mmmmm – LMT post
I slid my growing torso in the seat, adjusted the mirrors, flashed a quick grin at the two imps in the back seat before I opened the garage door and eased the car out. It was one of those rare days when the sunlight hits your eyes before you register the cold. I turned the…
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Appointments, NSTs and more
I drove to the second of my NST (Non Stress Test) appointments this week with trepidation. No, it was not the appointment that worried me. It was the roads and the snow. Snow which fell in huge fat flakes and melted against my heated windshield. Gripping my steering, I made slow progress along the roads.…
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Unexpected treasures
It was well past sunset as we set out in PJ’s and multiple layers of clothing. Our car trunk loaded with perishables from the fridge and the freezer. As we navigated slick turns on a deserted road, the headlights caught in the icicles dangling off tree branches and twinkled eerily. It felt like Narnia except…
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Investing in relationships
Every week, some times in the afternoon, some times late at night, I get a call or a message on GTalk. Questions that are insightful as well as reflective. They probe into how I am feeling, they offer support when I have not really asked for it out loud. Mostly they are there, silent company…
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Morning musings
I woke to the pitter-patter of little feet on the carpet followed by a warm body snuggling next to me under the covers. A muted light shone in my eyes. Fluttering my eyelids open, I was treated to a bluish-green radiance coming off the glow-pet that pattu held in her hands. Reaching by feel to…
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Living in the now
The is little light filtering into the dining room where I sit. The blinds are down. The heating system wheezes as it deals with the cold outside. The kitchen window is in my peripheral vision and all I see is gray. Strains of a sweet childish voice singing herself to sleep trickles down. A smile…
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Of old and new. Dads and daughters
I stood by the window over the sink looking out into the dull, drab day. The sky was overcast and grey. Cold rain drizzled and left shiny streaks along the bricks in the patio. My thoughts were back seven years remembering the final moments with my dad. Time ticked by as he drew his last.…
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Tis the time for thanks
I watch as Saathi cajoles and sweet talks the twins into posing for pictures. It is a regular Sunday. Toys are lined on the stairs leading to our upper level. Laughter reverberates around the home. I watch dad and daughters soak up each other and feel a pang. This time of the year reminds me…
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The smell of memories
I stand by the sizzling tawa pouring the batter and swirling it into a geometric shape. You stand by my side on a little chair, the top of your head nuzzled against my side. My left arm is positioned across your trunk protectively to keep the heat and oil from getting to you. You lean…
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Cup of joy
The phone rang and I pushed my chair back as I realized it was my Amma. Sensing it was a good time to take a break. I walked over to the kitchen and glanced at the clock. Tucking the phone between my neck and ear, I started on the dishes. Minutes passed and the sink…
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Mirrored memories
Taking a break from work yesterday afternoon, I made my way upstairs carrying a load of freshly laundered clothes. Putting them away, my eyes fell on the suitcase I had taken with me on my trip last week. It stood mute as if challenging me to open it up and relive the good times. I…
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Normal is boring
For most of my life I have considered myself normal or as Saathi puts it in the middle of the bell curve. Nothing extreme about my life. So, when a new acquaintance mentioned in passing that a friend of hers knew us, I was curious. Talking further I figured it is because we are a…
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The lightness of being
I set my laptop on the kitchen island, set the saute pan on the stove and turned the music on. As I tempered and seasoned the vegetables, I swayed to the music. I let the music possess my soul and let go of inhibitions. “Mommy look! I do just like you!” I turned to see…
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Midsummer Musings
Waving the spouse and kids off, I walked around my home. The weeds and the tall grass stood out in sharp relief. Sighing, I made my way inside as the sight of the rose bushes by the front caught my eye. The profusion of color made me stop and the weeds merged with the background.…
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Bubbles and bikes
The clock showed a minute to 9:00 PM. The sole light in the vast expanse of our first floor came from the low hanging fixture above my head. I folded clothes. Mechanically and without thought. The evening had been rough. Potty regression? Check. Power struggles? Check. Yelling and screaming? Check. Haggling and cajoling? Check. Crying?…
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Unspooled
Do you mind if I played oldies on the music system I asked as I prepared to get dinner ready. Saathi nodded and on an afterthought said perhaps we should dig out the old tapes and play them. I mixed the batter for adai when Saathi called out “Tamizh or Hindi?”. “Tamizh” I responded without…