I love looking at FB memories first thing in the morning. Considering the platform has been around for almost two decades now and I have been an early adopter, I see glimpses of my pre-motherhood life woven in with pictures and notes from when the kids were younger. Given that I was prolific when it came to sharing what was on my mind, it also serves as a window to how my thoughts have evolved or stayed the same year over year.
This week being Thanksgiving week in the US, notes on gratitude is the main theme of my memories. Over the years, I have expressed gratitude for family, for my online tribe, for my work, for motherhood and, just being privileged to lead the life I do. All of these are still true. This year though, thoughts of gratitude are tinged with bitterness. The election has been called. I have conspicuously stayed away from mainstream news and the cesshole that is Twitter. Yet, things trickle down and each day, I find something to be appalled by. The past few weeks have been about acknowledging what is inherent about humanity. We love our tribes. We love drawing boundaries and gatekeeping who can or cannot be part of our circles.
In the past, I naively told myself that the world has shifted and that love trumps hate. Yet, more than half the people who voted, did so because they valued the borders both physically and metaphorically that they had drawn for themselves. Us vs Them. I find myself imagining a future that feels bleak and joyless and for a moment want to go back to the pre-election hopium that I lived on. I am finding it hard to find gratitude this week. I feel bitter and angry. I want to rail and vent against the unfairness of it all. Yet, I smile politely and socialize. I join potluck dinners and girls night out(s). I feel like an automaton, a humanoid disconnected with all things real. Is this grief? Probably.
So, this week, I am choosing to pick one thing a day to remind myself of the little things I am grateful for. Hopefully, it will be enough.
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