All it took was a message from a writer friend to get me started on an essay. I started with a blank page. I had a vague idea about what I wanted to write. I did what I normally do, pick some random starting point and start my narrative there.
The words flew, they jumped out of turn causing me to delete, backspace and type again. The intensity of the outpour surprised me even when I know this is how I work. The essay all of 800 words was written in less than twenty minutes.
I stepped away. I read it once, corrected a few mistakes that caught my eye. I stepped away again and came back to it. Read it again and hit submit.
Another conversation with the same friend had me wondering if I was doing this writing thing all wrong.
“Why do I hit send impulsively?”
“Why do I not take the time to let the essay sit and go back to it a while later?”
“Why do I never take editing seriously?”
These questions are recurring. The things I ask myself after each piece I write.
A day later, I am still pondering the same questions but I feel like I have made peace with it. This is who I am. This is how I write. This is how I operate in life. I act. I rarely think. I do not have the patience to revisit things and rework them. My work is all heart and soul, very less brain.
It applies in the larger scheme of things. If I stop to think, I usually convince myself I am not good enough. If I act, then the worst that can happen is rejection.
So, here is my aim for 2020, a whole bunch of rejections that will say “hey at least you tried!”