Relatively speaking

Sometimes it happens. You see yourself grow metaphorically.

Like today when I was talking to a colleague who once in my eyes was senior. Today, I felt at ease relating to him on an equal footing and that is when it hit me. I have grown. Grown from a scared newbie to someone who can actually make sense out of what appeared indecipherable nonsense.

It got me thinking. About growth and movement and how it is easy to miss it in oneself. It takes a milestone like a baby or a death to make that realization dawn on you. As I carried Kay upstairs to give her a bath yesterday it hit me. I was a mother. A person who suddenly was supposed to be a role model for her children. These girls are going to imbibe their values, their behaviours partly from me. What I do day in day out in front of them matters.

I don’t have ages ahead of me to get my life in order. To get my priorities right. Suddenly that illusion of time is gone and I feel like the my future is now. It is happening and this is all it is. It is scary and exciting all at the same time.

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