I peel an orange standing by the sink. The snow is all but gone from our backyard. The house is quiet despite being full, each of us immersed in our own devices. I eat the orange and dutifully pop a Move Free tablet right after. The red and white bottle reminds me of my age. There was once a time when my eyes glazed over commercials about aging and aching joints. Now, I pause and listen. My prescription progressive glasses are yet another reminder even as I scan my irises for traces of opacity.
I turn fifty this week. It feels momentous not just because the world seems to hype milestone birthdays. This time around, I feel the weight of the years on me. A couple of days ago, I told my college going niece that I was celebrating a life well lived. I mean it.
I have lived a full life. I have experienced anxiety, insecurity and, low self esteem. I have lived through heartbreak, death and, grief. I have battled depression, loneliness and, fear. I have cried. I have also laughed, experienced incredible amounts of joy and known euphoria. I have lived long enough to check off a whole lot of boxes in terms of life events.
As I stand now, I see in myself a woman who is self aware, happy and self assured. I like what I see. I am optimistic about the personal journey I am on. I am now old enough to have solid positions about the state of the world and humankind. I am audacious enough to believe whatever fight I am engaged in will leave the world a better place for my children. I feel confident that I am on the right side of history.
Of course, I worry. I care deeply about what the future holds for my children. I am willing to do all I can to ensure I will die without regrets.
All this to say I am excited about marking this time in my life with gratitude and joy. I want to take this week to acknowledge that the life I have lived is one I am proud of. So, if this note passes your way, I am grateful our lives touched even if for this one instance.
The week arrived. A Birthday To Remember is what it became.
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