It is almost 6:00 pm. My mind is thinking about what to make for dinner. The IM on my work machine pings. The request is almost always polite, there is an illusion of choice. “I can do it,” I say. I want to be done with it as well. It is well past 7:00 pm … Continue reading COVID-19 Diaries: The Elephant In The Room
“Vandhacha?” I text my sister. The message says delivered but there is no response. I put my phone down and walk around the house. I clear the sink, I grind the coconut, green chiles, curry leaves, and cumin. I check my phone every once in a while. It is when I am tempering cumin in … Continue reading Unsung Heroes: The Woman In My Life
“Take a picture” I beg Saathi as I scramble to get out of the house. He looks at the lamp above and declares it will not be a good picture. He takes one anyway and it is bad. I grab my phone, collect my folder, new bag, water bottle and get into the car. I … Continue reading An Average Day
My iWatch shows I have about 4K steps to my self imposed goal of 10K steps a day. I walk around the house as lightning glows outside. A peal of thunder is enough to shake me from my reverie. I look outside and the weeds that have taken over my front yard irk me. A … Continue reading Milestone: Re-entering Workforce
I sit between two women at the tae kwon do class my twins are at. We trade smiles each time one of us turn toward another. We are tentative, jabbing, probing with our eyes, ears and spidey senses to see if there will be a connection. We have forty minutes to kill. Our younger ones … Continue reading Deconstructing Self Worth
“I have to work,” I say unselfconsciously and shut the study door behind me. For weeks now, I have been logging in, answering emails, pursuing writers, cold calling people who are inspirational to come write for us. The actual work of writing emails, talking on the phone, fiddling around with the site layout, editing … Continue reading Finding Passion
In the semi darkness as I rocked laddu to sleep, my mind played back a phone conversation from earlier in the day. "Do you plan to go back to work?" asked a friend. "Probably. Just not sure when" I answered then. The conversation shifted to other things but I kept revisiting my answer that just … Continue reading Journey. Not a destination.
Emails. Folders. Badges. Tokens. I had them all cleared, lined up and ready to return. As I shut the laptop with a satisfied click, I realized it marked the end of one period in my life and the start of another. Each eventful in its own right. Laddu on my hip, I turned my attention … Continue reading Wrapping up
Sometime this week a year ago, I traded in my full-time job for something more flexible. A stay at home, work at my pace kind of compromise. The past year has been rewarding and in some ways been reshaping my views on financial independence. The first few months were heady. I did not miss the … Continue reading A year in review
I look at the clock. It is a quarter to 3:00 PM. A little late for lunch I decide and whip up a churumuri kind of snack. Salad veggies chopped, a pinch of masala, a spoon of chutney and leftover mixture. I settle back on my chair and work while I eat. I could get … Continue reading Room with a view
I sit at my desk my nerves on edge. Every footfall around me seems ominous. My neck is tight as are my shoulders. It could be now. It could be awhile. It could be today. Or a week from now. I gave notice at work yesterday and spent the day on tenterhooks waiting for a … Continue reading The waiting is the hardest part
In the past few months, a new kind of fixation has taken hold of me. Articles on how women can have it all, cannot have it all, should have it all, should not have it all. All parts of the spectrum have been written, blogged, discussed ad nauseam. As I read each one, I nod … Continue reading Stark reality
Every once in a while I hear from someone who is passionate about what they do and seem so immersed in their work and life that it gives me pause. It makes me ache. Ache for that passion that seems missing in my life. What is my calling? I ache to know.
We stood in a circle like we always do. At the turn of the hour, the stand up meeting commenced. We each clearly stated what we had done, what we had left and impediments if any. As is the rule, when everyone who had a stake in that release had their say, the floor was … Continue reading What’s in a title?
I sit sniffling away to glory at my desk surreptitiously discarding soggy tissues in the trash can under my desk. I wipe my desk every once in a while feeling almost guilty for having come to work. Staring long and hard at an issue I should have fixed hours back, I realize I need a … Continue reading Ode to kindness
A flippant email exchange at work set me thinking. She wanted to go back to school and enhance her skill sets. I wanted to borrow myself deep in whatever it was I was doing and actually own something for a change. This change has been a decade in coming. I started out aspiring for the … Continue reading Wake up and smell the roses
Seated at an odd angle to the projected screen, I angled my head to get a better view of the presenter. A balding pate, a face that seemed to smile even he was not, eyes that seemed gentle. The CEO of my new workplace was giving us a peek into his vision as part of … Continue reading An upside down world
Standing in a line that snaked through the room and back, I stood unsure of what to do with my arms. Folding them self-consciously across my trunk, I looked around. People around me seemed happy in their little circles. Half sentences from all around me were clashing around in my brain. I was listening to … Continue reading Lonely. Not alone.
I stood juggling four pans of various dishes either simmering, roasting or frying this morning. The microwave beeped and a small glass bowl with ground masala sat there staring at me. For a minute I was not sure what I was doing or what needed to be done next. Gathering my wits around me, I … Continue reading Imagery
I sit back this Sunday night, browsing aimlessly. A smile plays on my lips for I know I will not be walking into work tomorrow. This past week, I closed one chapter of my working life. A week from now, I may start another. In the meanwhile, I have a week off to clean, decompress … Continue reading A door closes
Standing by my bed under yellow light bulbs, my feet were killing me. It was a long day. Folding a million tiny pieces, I longed to wave a magic wand so everything would be done and I could rest my weary feet. Except I couldn't find my magic wand or conjure up my pixie. Sighing, … Continue reading Re-ordering priorities