Essay: On Loss and, Love

Photo by Max Ravier on Pexels.com I talk as I walk to the voice on the other end which is a tad weakened as it traverses the eight thousand miles from India to make its way to me. I strain to listen, filling in missed syllables knowing the words she would have used from our … Continue reading Essay: On Loss and, Love

COVID-19 Diaries: Anniversary

Photo by Văn Thắng on Pexels.com Nineteen years is a long time. It is even when you factor in the first few years when you are getting to know the person, the next few years when you are struggling to build a family, the years after that are consumed by nurturing this hard-built family. We … Continue reading COVID-19 Diaries: Anniversary

Ten Years. Many Lessons.

  This week marks ten years since we went from being a couple to parents of twins. Each year I struggle with marking the day. Obviously, it is of import to me. It also is of import to my children in ways I cannot measure or understand. I consciously stay away from anything celebratory. I … Continue reading Ten Years. Many Lessons.

Empathy

I remember to wear my turquoise fleece top to my dental appointment. The office is well appointed and lighted but cold. I check myself before I get in the car. Insurance, HSA card, and license are all in there. The wait is short and I am in my chair before I know it. It is … Continue reading Empathy

Disquiet

It is early in the morning. The kids are still asleep. It is one of those rare weekend mornings when I have the house to myself and nothing on my agenda, not even making breakfast. The air is chill, in the upper fifties. I am walking around in a gray faded capris and a much-loved … Continue reading Disquiet

Milestone: Ten Years Old

Pattu bounds down the stairs each morning, a full hour before her sister Ammu wakes. Some days she hugs me around the middle. Some days, she sits at the island waiting for her dad to wake and give her company as she brushes. Our early morning conversations are limited but a growing reminder of how … Continue reading Milestone: Ten Years Old

Drifting

I am on the phone with my Amma as she prepares to leave to India for the winter. My cell phone rings flashing the number of an old friend. I hang up and reach for my cell phone. This woman and I go back a decade, working alongside on a banking software product. We exchange … Continue reading Drifting

A Good Man

I am sending some emails when a new one downloads. Saathi the name reads and my face breaks into a smile. Reflexive, something I cannot control. The subject says, “Your PECO bill” and I almost laugh. In the ten days I have been away from home, I haven’t caught myself thinking about him or the … Continue reading A Good Man

Co-opting Words

I sat between my twins, Laddu on my knee as the opening credits for Hidden Figures rolled on the screen. Pattu jiggled her knee, a clear indication she was done waiting for the actual movie to start. I hit pause and gathered the eight-year olds close. “This is a movie for grown-ups. There is a … Continue reading Co-opting Words

Hot Pink Bikes And Time That Zooms Ahead

“I’ll never give up,” Ammu says, her eyes fierce. She straddles the new bike she is testing in the store, balances on her toes and tentatively pushes ahead. The bike wobbles and she stops, tries again and this time sails ahead. She brakes hard and manages not to fall. I watch from my vantage point … Continue reading Hot Pink Bikes And Time That Zooms Ahead

The Moon Is A Taco And Other Things

I am clearing up the crumbs from breakfast when Pattu’s clear voice calls out to me from beyond the patio door. I take my time, finishing up what I am doing before I walk. She holds up her boogie board, a line drawing that looks suspiciously like an advertisement for a fast food chain. “That’s … Continue reading The Moon Is A Taco And Other Things

You Are Not Alone

“What is on your mind?” exhorts Facebook when I turn to my phone in a moment of despair “Craptastic (pun intended)” I type and then backspace, watching each letter and my life disappear into an unseen void. My fingers are smudged with dosa batter drying into a white powder that flakes off as my hands … Continue reading You Are Not Alone

On Politics, Liberalism And Being A Snowflake

The year was 2000. I filed my first tax return. I think I was owed money from the government. I am not sure but I did not follow-up or deem it worth my time to find out. I was young, unencumbered and singularly apolitical. In the few years I had been eligible to vote, I … Continue reading On Politics, Liberalism And Being A Snowflake

Paying Tributes Over Time and Space

I eye the phone longingly. My fingers itch to dial Amma’s cell phone number but I desist. I can picture my family this morning. All of my dad’s siblings and their spouses gathered to observe the yearly anniversary of my Thatha’s passing. I imagine the kitchen busy, bustling. I can almost see my aunts and … Continue reading Paying Tributes Over Time and Space

Embracing The Otherness

I sit on a chair Ammu on my lap, her cheek pressed to mine, nuzzling as if in want of reassurance. I squirm and hug her tight before trying to dislodge her from me. We are in front of the twins’ class. Over twenty children and two teachers are looking at me expectantly. I clear … Continue reading Embracing The Otherness

Coffee And Conversations

She walks down rapidly, a speed that belies what time it is. Her face is scrubbed, a hint of damp from washing her face and drying it. Her fingers are cold as they reach for my arm. Her lips are deliciously chill as they land on my cheek. “Good Morning Amma!” Pattu exclaims as she … Continue reading Coffee And Conversations

A Good Parent

The timer on the microwave went off signaling it was time for me to leave. I turned the stove off shouting a thousand instructions at the kids, the spouse and my mom as I left. I opted to take the longer, winding back roads to the kid's school. The radio was on and the ethics … Continue reading A Good Parent

Growing Up

"I am off to read my book..." She waves the book in her hand as I look quizically. My maternal instincts are screaming something is off. "Are you taking the iPad with you?" I ask, eyes scanning for evidence. She holds out her hands which hold the hard bound copy of Charlotte's Web. I smile, … Continue reading Growing Up

Spice And All Things Nice

“Ooookay,” she says in a sing song voice and toddles upstairs to help her dad find his belt. Relieved for a moment’s respite from her at the stove, I turn my attention to fixing lunch and getting the twins ready for school. They leave and their daddy right after them. Laddu and I stand by … Continue reading Spice And All Things Nice

Talking about adoption

I tend to not talk much about adoption on here. There are many reasons, chief among them being the fear that it will take over the blog. So, when Rads of Tunneling Thru pinged me this weekend asking if I minded sharing my thoughts, it seemed like a nice opportunity to talk about the many … Continue reading Talking about adoption