Feelings, Friends, Friendship, Personal

Essay: On Loss and, Love

I talk as I walk to the voice on the other end which is a tad weakened as it traverses the eight thousand miles from India to make its way to me. I strain to listen, filling in missed syllables knowing the words she would have used from our years of association. By the time […]

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Anniversary, Journal, Love, Personal

COVID-19 Diaries: Anniversary

Nineteen years is a long time. It is even when you factor in the first few years when you are getting to know the person, the next few years when you are struggling to build a family, the years after that are consumed by nurturing this hard-built family. We have both grown. We have both […]

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Feelings, Happiness, Musings, Personal

Empathy

I remember to wear my turquoise fleece top to my dental appointment. The office is well appointed and lighted but cold. I check myself before I get in the car. Insurance, HSA card, and license are all in there. The wait is short and I am in my chair before I know it. It is […]

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Musings, Personal

Disquiet

It is early in the morning. The kids are still asleep. It is one of those rare weekend mornings when I have the house to myself and nothing on my agenda, not even making breakfast. The air is chill, in the upper fifties. I am walking around in a gray faded capris and a much-loved […]

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Life, Mom's life, Musings, Personal

Drifting

I am on the phone with my Amma as she prepares to leave to India for the winter. My cell phone rings flashing the number of an old friend. I hang up and reach for my cell phone. This woman and I go back a decade, working alongside on a banking software product. We exchange […]

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Anniversary, Love, Musings, Personal

A Good Man

I am sending some emails when a new one downloads. Saathi the name reads and my face breaks into a smile. Reflexive, something I cannot control. The subject says, “Your PECO bill” and I almost laugh. In the ten days I have been away from home, I haven’t caught myself thinking about him or the […]

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Life, Musings, Personal, Race

Co-opting Words

I sat between my twins, Laddu on my knee as the opening credits for Hidden Figures rolled on the screen. Pattu jiggled her knee, a clear indication she was done waiting for the actual movie to start. I hit pause and gathered the eight-year olds close. “This is a movie for grown-ups. There is a […]

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Children, Family, Life, Personal

Hot Pink Bikes And Time That Zooms Ahead

“I’ll never give up,” Ammu says, her eyes fierce. She straddles the new bike she is testing in the store, balances on her toes and tentatively pushes ahead. The bike wobbles and she stops, tries again and this time sails ahead. She brakes hard and manages not to fall. I watch from my vantage point […]

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Family, Feelings, Home, Life, Musings, People, Personal, reflections

You Are Not Alone

“What is on your mind?” exhorts Facebook when I turn to my phone in a moment of despair “Craptastic (pun intended)” I type and then backspace, watching each letter and my life disappear into an unseen void. My fingers are smudged with dosa batter drying into a white powder that flakes off as my hands […]

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Adoption, Family, Life, Personal, reflections

Embracing The Otherness

I sit on a chair Ammu on my lap, her cheek pressed to mine, nuzzling as if in want of reassurance. I squirm and hug her tight before trying to dislodge her from me. We are in front of the twins’ class. Over twenty children and two teachers are looking at me expectantly. I clear […]

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Life, Musings, Parenthood, Parenting, Personal, reflections

A Good Parent

The timer on the microwave went off signaling it was time for me to leave. I turned the stove off shouting a thousand instructions at the kids, the spouse and my mom as I left. I opted to take the longer, winding back roads to the kid’s school. The radio was on and the ethics […]

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Abstract, Aware parenting, Children, Parenting, Personal

Growing Up

“I am off to read my book…” She waves the book in her hand as I look quizically. My maternal instincts are screaming something is off. “Are you taking the iPad with you?” I ask, eyes scanning for evidence. She holds out her hands which hold the hard bound copy of Charlotte’s Web. I smile, […]

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Baby, Birthday, Musings, Personal

Spice And All Things Nice

“Ooookay,” she says in a sing song voice and toddles upstairs to help her dad find his belt. Relieved for a moment’s respite from her at the stove, I turn my attention to fixing lunch and getting the twins ready for school. They leave and their daddy right after them. Laddu and I stand by […]

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Adoption, Interview, Life, Personal, reflections

Talking about adoption

I tend to not talk much about adoption on here. There are many reasons, chief among them being the fear that it will take over the blog. So, when Rads of Tunneling Thru pinged me this weekend asking if I minded sharing my thoughts, it seemed like a nice opportunity to talk about the many […]

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