Another Summer In The Books

I walked back home after watching my youngest board the school bus for her first day of fourth grade. What was most noticeable was the absence of the sense of excitement I usually have on the first day of the school year.

Ambivalence.

I think the term ambivalence can sum up my existence for most of this year. All summer long, the kids were free to lounge in their room, doors shut, music blaring from their Alexas or be holed up in the basement watching YouTube on the 65 inch screen. One child walked around with headphones literally fusing to be a part of her body. Another only made appearances during meal times.

I let go in every possible way giving them and, myself the freedom to just be. It was an experiment of sorts. After years of extremely regulated lives, I was curious to see what these children of mine would do. The results surprised me. They largely did what I expected i.e., averaged over 10 hours of screen time but also did little that could be cause for alarm.

In a summer that boasted no travel, no walks outside, no lunch or dinner time jaunts to local eateries or anything that could be considered summer activity, it became a summer of indulgence.

The older ones start high school. I am unsure how they feel about it. I am intimidated at the prospect of what that means. My youngest is in a sweet spot. She is at a school she loves. She still has a year of elementary school. She is comfortable walking the halls without supervision. She has her coterie of friends both in and out of school. It is a joy to watch her flit from group to group and enjoy each day for what it is.

With the first day of school comes routine, predictability and a teeny bit of pressure. I am ready though.

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