I feel sated when I step off the elliptical. The kind of satisfaction that comes from knowing it was an enjoyable experience. I turn my phone on and see a notification from my aunt. It brings worrisome tidings. I call her and get her voicemail. Through the morning the phone lines are busy exchanging details […]
Read morePersonal Politics
“So, has your group been talking about CAB/NRC?” My tone is mild. My ears, however, are alert, straining to hear nuance amidst the words. It is a letdown, however. Saathi deflects and turns the spotlight on me for wanting to talk about things divisive and ugly. I turn away, the warmth of the hot stove […]
Read moreBye, Bye Pria!
I suppose I should be sentimental. This week we traded in my very first car for something newer. I bought or rather Saathi bought me my first car a little before I turned 30. I spent all of my teens and twenties taking autos and cabs because I had debilitating road fear and I never […]
Read moreDeep Winter
Coiled. Tight. Uneasy. That is how I feel most evenings. A deep-seated unease has taken hold. A discontent that I cannot seem to find the source for. I parse my everyday. I run through the hours trying to figure the catalyst, the instigator, the root of this feeling and I draw a blank each time. […]
Read moreTriggers
My eyes are crusty when I wake. In the dim light of dawn, I scrub my face and realize I have been crying. The kind of heaving, sobbing, heavy crying, deep in the throes of sleep. I went to bed thinking of my father in law who is recovering from an infection. Somewhere in my […]
Read moreFear
Pattu walked down, groggy with sleep, sleepiness a cloud around her face. I turned to hold her and then pushed her away to go brush. “Amma, did Clinton win?” I did not look at her choosing instead to saute cauliflower, the hot pan sizzling and steaming, obscuring not just my tears. “No Pattu, Trump won. […]
Read moreOn Disillusionment
The bass beats drum slowly, steadily, loudly to one side of my bedroom. I toss and turn, the occasional headlight illuminating my angst against the music. I wonder why I am disappointed. I thought myself inured from people, from attachments but yet again, I lie awake pondering the depth of my hurt. For someone who […]
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