Musings, Women

Things We Don’t Talk About

Warning: Not my usual kind of writing. Read at your own risk. I woke this afternoon from my nap feeling gross. My body is going through a period of change. In the erratic swinging of hormones, I find myself raging relentlessly. Sometimes I rage physically, my voice reaching octaves higher than normal. Some days, I […]

Read more
Musings, Pregnancy

So Long, Farewell!

The number on the scale triggered an upheaval in me I had not expected. I stepped out, stepped back on again. The number stood unbudging. I expected to feel elation, instead, I felt disquiet. The kind that echoes of rumblings across time. The last time I had seen the same number was the day I […]

Read more
Musings

Real Feelings. Real Pain. 

A couple of days back a friend retweeted this raw, gripping, poignant piece on pregnancy and followed it up with a question asking me what I thought of it. I promptly read, shared and replied that I felt it was powerful. What followed was a sharing of experiences on pregnancy. A few could relate to […]

Read more
Body Image, Musings, Pregnancy

Giggles, Wiggles and Jiggles

I sit on the step in the garage leading to the door. Ammu is on my lap, her cheek nuzzling mine. We do nosy rubs and sit, rocking back and forth. Pattu circles around on her bike within the garage watching us as we wait for the bus. The door behind me opens and Saathi […]

Read more
Motherhood, Pregnancy

The birth story

We set out, Saathi and I leaving pieces of ourselves behind as we turned the corner of our home. The garage doors rolled down behind us hiding Ammu, Pattu and my Amma from view. I held back tears as we set out on a new journey. The car ride to the hospital was silent and […]

Read more
Feelings, Life, Personal, Pregnancy, reflections

D-Day

It is 10:00 AM. Tonight is when I get admitted at the hospital. I sit in front of my laptop with a cup of warm barley water by my side. The to-do lists are scrolling through my head but all I feel is malaise. It is chilly inside the house. I pull my sweater closer. […]

Read more
Pregnancy

Hunkering down

Fresh from a deep nap in the afternoon, I finally decided to open up my laptop and scan through my inbox to see if there were emails that needed attention. For weeks now, I have stayed clear of most forms of communication. Sure, I check my email and my social media accounts. I lurk invisible […]

Read more
Feelings, Personal, Pregnancy

Natural instincts

For days, the anxiety has been building. A feeling of restlessness and a fear that I will never be prepared enough. A week back, I trudged to the basement and hauled a suitcase two floors up. It sat there on my dresser collecting toys and odd scraps of paper that the twins decided was essential […]

Read more
Feelings, Personal, Pregnancy, reflections

Appointments, NSTs and more

I drove to the second of my NST (Non Stress Test) appointments this week with trepidation. No, it was not the appointment that worried me. It was the roads and the snow. Snow which fell in huge fat flakes and melted against my heated windshield. Gripping my steering, I made slow progress along the roads. […]

Read more
Family, Happiness, Life, People, Personal, Pregnancy, reflections

Celebrations

I lean back on the recliner adjusting my frame for maximal comfort and rest my arms across my torso. My eyes fall on the silver bracelets that encircle my wrists. Burnished silver specked with brown beads. I finger them lazily and my thoughts go back to the weekend. A montage of memories slide past my […]

Read more
Personal, Pregnancy

Coveting

There are some things that get burned in your psyche long before you realize its import. The black saree was one of them for me. I have always loved black as a color. So, when someone in the family purchased a black Mysore silk for her traditional baby shower (valai kaapu), it was etched in […]

Read more
Infertility, Pregnancy

It happened one afternoon

I was a few days late. I looked up the app on my phone to confirm. Could it be? A voice niggled at the back of my head. I counted again. Seven days late. I had never been that late. Hmm! I voiced my concern to Saathi. He dismissed it. Infertility does that to you. […]

Read more
Food, Pregnancy

Yeh Dil maange more

In the early days when the idea of being pregnant was just sinking in, one of my first thoughts was food. Pregnancy myths and stereotypes. I waited for the dreaded morning sickness or all day sickness to take over. I imagined myself feeling revolted by the idea of food. I imagined forcing Saathi to make […]

Read more
Pregnancy

Home stretch

As I enter the last trimester of pregnancy, there are times I wish I could have journaled the whole ride. I realize a lot of it is TMI and fairly personal which is part of my reluctance to write about it. As I count down the weeks before the little bundle is out, I want […]

Read more
Pregnancy

Rites of passage

I trudge upstairs, my body weary from being seated all day, working. I put away the kids clothes in their respective closets and walk noiselessly to my oasis. The half hour I spend each day tending to myself. As I rub the oil in gentle circles on my taut, swollen belly, I see them. The […]

Read more