Sitting With The Pain

Photo by Zeynep Sude EMEK on Pexels.com My eyes are glued to my phone, the screen that is being shared too tiny for me to follow. The voice in my ears is talking about some test strategy. I am there mentally but physically I am in the morning sun, walking home after waving bye to … Continue reading Sitting With The Pain

Triggers

I feel sated when I step off the elliptical. The kind of satisfaction that comes from knowing it was an enjoyable experience. I turn my phone on and see a notification from my aunt. It brings worrisome tidings. I call her and get her voicemail. Through the morning the phone lines are busy exchanging details … Continue reading Triggers

Ten Years Of Grief

I pause at the doorway, my eyes lingering on the monthly planner. The kids have been crossing out days religiously since the beginning of the month to Thanksgiving. My eyes however, have been on a different date. The funk has been closing in on me like an ominous bubble. Sometimes they are visceral, sometimes they … Continue reading Ten Years Of Grief

When Love Is Not Enough

“She reminds me so much of my daughter when she was this age!” “She is so much like you.” “Perfect mix of you and Saathi.” The comments make me smile. I touch my daughters cheeks and mine as if the contours tell a story that only my fingers understand. She looks at me, eyes bright … Continue reading When Love Is Not Enough

Inequities 

The view out the balcony mirrors my mood. Patches of grey sky peek in between the dense upper branches of the tree by the apartment block. Dead limbs hang limp. Tiny buds peek through the very tips of the healthy ones.  I hear raised voices again from the other side. I feel my body shake. … Continue reading Inequities 

What would you do?

How do we go about shielding loved ones from hurt? When I hear someone I care about being upset or hurt about something I have no control on. I ache. I ache for the person feeling bad. I feel frustrated and helpless. Sometimes my frustration appears harsh. In the process of trying to make things … Continue reading What would you do?

Giving up control = Faith?

"When Man loses faith in himself, he starts believing in God!" This used to be Appa's response whenever I asked him why he turned from someone with no overt faith into one who experienced a sudden revival in faith towards the last decade of his life. Today I think I got what he meant. It … Continue reading Giving up control = Faith?