Truth Permits Us Space To Hold Duality

Earlier in October, Carrie Goldman who runs the Portrait of an adoption series on Chicago Now reached out asking if I would like to submit a piece for their 10th anniversary run. I agreed and thought about what I wanted to write given this is National Adoption Awareness Month. The liminal space in adoption is … Continue reading Truth Permits Us Space To Hold Duality

COVID-19 Diaries: Openness When Confronting Mortality

My watch buzzes and a familiar name pops up. My smile is huge, stretching from ear to ear. I reach for my phone and open the Messages app. It from Gigi, my daughters’ great grandmother of sorts. This time, the picture is of my newborn twins. A week ago, she sent me a picture of … Continue reading COVID-19 Diaries: Openness When Confronting Mortality

Musings: Openness In Adoption

I walk around the house mid-morning, my eyes scanning for things to put away or trash. I am tired of the disorganized mess I live in. I am too tired to fix it. My eyes fall on a ring on the floor of Ammu’s room. I pick it up and tuck it into my pocket. … Continue reading Musings: Openness In Adoption

#NAM2018 National Adoption Awareness Month: What Can Adoptive Parents Do?

Each November adoptionland is rife with op-eds, hashtags, conferences, panels and social media blitzes by all members of the triad. #FlipTheScript was all I heard over the past few years. I listened hard and reflected on what I heard. Some years, I wrote about my experience with openness in the context of our lives. This … Continue reading #NAM2018 National Adoption Awareness Month: What Can Adoptive Parents Do?

Open Adoption: Real Lives. Real Impacts.

My daughter, all of nine and I are standing, facing each other. I hold a tube of cucumber face pack and apply the goo in an even layer all over her face. I avoid her fine blond hair, so pale that I have to look carefully to even see it. Up close, her face is … Continue reading Open Adoption: Real Lives. Real Impacts.

Open Adoption Goes Both Ways

“I am bored!” The words seem to resound, bounce off the walls of our home over the weekend. If they were not out biking or prone on the sofa, eyes glazed over, watching something inane on the television, they start like cicadas, a lone voice, growing, amplifying into a resonant chorus until I either yell … Continue reading Open Adoption Goes Both Ways

A Tale Of Two Mothers

It is dusk, the clouds have been gathering in force all through the day, threatening rain. I am in my study after what feels like ages. For a week I have been tending to my guests, cooking, cleaning, worrying and walking. Today, the house feels quiet, calm, normal. On Monday, the mother of my older … Continue reading A Tale Of Two Mothers

Motherhood, Cleaved

cleave1split or sever (something), especially along a natural line or grain."the large ax his father used to cleave wood for the fire" cleave2stick fast to."Rose's mouth was dry, her tongue cleaving to the roof of her mouth" adhere strongly to (a particular pursuit or belief)."part of why we cleave to sports is that excellence is … Continue reading Motherhood, Cleaved

Mommy, Mommy: The Soundtrack To My Life

My hands circles her tiny body, my face pressed against her back as she sits and turns the pages of the Llama Llama book I got from the library. Her voice falls up and down, the cadence of it lulling me into a sense of bliss. I am almost asleep when she abruptly flings my … Continue reading Mommy, Mommy: The Soundtrack To My Life

Hypotheticals

“Amma, can we please let Snowflake free?” Ammu pleads with me, still sleepy-eyed at 6:30 AM in the morning. “After you are back from school,” I say. “But amma, imagine if you were stuck in a box for monnnnnths…” she continues, her angst making her drag out the words. “I am not an elf and … Continue reading Hypotheticals

Of Struggling With Labels

“I don’t like my fake name” muttered Ammu, my first daughter. I was bent over the stove tossing rice noodles in a base of lemon and sesame oil. The heady aroma of tempered mustard and curry leaves almost made me miss the statement. A part of me always attuned to disturbances in the air peaked … Continue reading Of Struggling With Labels

Open Adoption – Reflections On The Journey

I sat at my desk browsing for gifts, ears keenly attuned to the sounds from the adjoining family room. I’d let my twins sit at their table, their art pads open and one single instruction. “Make a card and write a note in it for your mom’s birthday. All I ask is that you think … Continue reading Open Adoption – Reflections On The Journey

Rush Of Gratitude

“Thlow” commands Laddu as she squints against the evening sun in our backyard. I comply and throw the multihued inflatable ball high in the air. I watch it gather speed and roll down the gentle incline. Laddu follows the ball, pushing it farther with her attempts to capture it. I follow her and eventually we … Continue reading Rush Of Gratitude

Revisit, Reconnect, Renew

We reached in the dead of the night, picking up room keys from a sleepy employee who went through the motions of showing of where our room was and mentioning breakfast would be served from 6:30 AM to 9:30 AM. Setting an alarm for 6:00, we fell into a sleep that was deep and devoid … Continue reading Revisit, Reconnect, Renew

Talking about adoption

I tend to not talk much about adoption on here. There are many reasons, chief among them being the fear that it will take over the blog. So, when Rads of Tunneling Thru pinged me this weekend asking if I minded sharing my thoughts, it seemed like a nice opportunity to talk about the many … Continue reading Talking about adoption