“What is the meaning of race?” My elbows are flat against the kitchen island, my face level with my girls. “Run?” “Bring children up?” The twins come up with every possible meaning but the one I was curious to know what they knew. We drank our kaapi, set Laddu up so she could Facetime her … Continue reading The Race Conversation
The children troop in, one after another, tired, messy hair and cold. The routine is the same every day. I insist they put their boots away, hang up their jackets and use the bathroom before snack time. I stand by the kitchen island, three bulging school bags lined next to each other. I am methodical. … Continue reading Saaptiya?
In the midst of stir-frying a melange of vegetables for my children's’ lunchbox, I reach out for my phone. I shake the pan on one hand and scroll through my FB feed on the other. I set the pan down and lean on the kitchen counter as I catch up on writing-related posts. Next up … Continue reading Becoming Our Mothers
My iWatch shows 6:46 AM. The king size bed I am in is curiously populated. I am on one side almost at the edge of my side. My youngest is way past the middle on dad’s side of the bed. A little away is Pattu breathing heavily and making it known she is awake and … Continue reading Love Is All That Matters
An essay I wrote earlier this year reflecting on how my mothering my children feels cleaved is now online on the Adoptive Families Magazine website. If you are not a subscriber, you can read the piece here: Adoptive Motherhood_Cleaved.
It was 1:30 PM, that time of the day when I prioritize napping over everything else when the phone rang. The caller id flashed a familiar number. I paused, considered letting it go to voicemail and then picked it up. We spoke about a great number of things but the bulk of our conversation was … Continue reading Parenting: A Guilt Trap?
I wear my clothes, my mind on other things, frowning at the mirror as I do. I notice Ammu behind me. I continue to get dressed as she watches, curious, unrepentant. “Why do you wear that?” she asks I pause, unsure where I should direct the conversation. “For support,” I say and leave it at … Continue reading Birds, Bees And Uncomfortable Conversations
Ammu nuzzles my cheek with her nose, throws her arms around my neck, kisses me and flits off to do whatever it is she is occupied with at the moment. Today she is working on a school project. There are sticky notes all over the place. She painstakingly colors the first American flag and sketches … Continue reading Birthday Musings
My hand shakes a bit as I shape the batter on the sizzling tawa resulting in an imperfect heart. I try to fix it and end up making it misshapen. I dot the edges with ghee and feel frustration overwhelm me. The clock reads 8:16 AM. Six minutes before the bus will trundle past my … Continue reading Imperfect Love
I stand by the kitchen picture window, furiously chopping the cabbage. Laddu clings to my feet, crying piteously. Snot runs from her nose, her lips quiver and eyes are brimming with tears. One more piece to go I remind myself and focus at the task on hand. I glance up to see Ammu and Pattu … Continue reading Sometimes there are none
Mothering is not just rainbows and unicorns. It is the not so fine moments that do not get vocalized.