Saaptiya?

The children troop in, one after another, tired, messy hair and cold. The routine is the same every day. I insist they put their boots away, hang up their jackets and use the bathroom before snack time. I stand by the kitchen island, three bulging school bags lined next to each other. I am methodical. … Continue reading Saaptiya?

Becoming Our Mothers

In the midst of stir-frying a melange of vegetables for my children's’ lunchbox, I reach out for my phone. I shake the pan on one hand and scroll through my FB feed on the other. I set the pan down and lean on the kitchen counter as I catch up on writing-related posts. Next up … Continue reading Becoming Our Mothers

Mommy Tax

Laddu is on the kitchen island, her legs dangling off the edge. Large sunglasses cover more than half her face. I am feeling reflective and in the mood for conversation. “What is your destiny?” I ask as a follow-up to our discussion on the show Ever After High. She blinks. I go back to the … Continue reading Mommy Tax

Glorious Days

Laddu is hard at work at the breakfast table, the lamp throwing a halo around her tiny head. Her hair covers her face. “What’s next after GO amma?” “How do you spell AKKAS?” I call out spellings even as I muddle through improper fractions with Ammu and Pattu. After the twins stuff their homework into … Continue reading Glorious Days

Essay: Motherhood, Cleaved

An essay I wrote earlier this year reflecting on how my mothering my children feels cleaved is now online on the Adoptive Families Magazine website. If you are not a subscriber, you can read the piece here: Adoptive Motherhood_Cleaved.

Motherhood, Cleaved

cleave1split or sever (something), especially along a natural line or grain."the large ax his father used to cleave wood for the fire" cleave2stick fast to."Rose's mouth was dry, her tongue cleaving to the roof of her mouth" adhere strongly to (a particular pursuit or belief)."part of why we cleave to sports is that excellence is … Continue reading Motherhood, Cleaved

Mommy, Mommy: The Soundtrack To My Life

My hands circles her tiny body, my face pressed against her back as she sits and turns the pages of the Llama Llama book I got from the library. Her voice falls up and down, the cadence of it lulling me into a sense of bliss. I am almost asleep when she abruptly flings my … Continue reading Mommy, Mommy: The Soundtrack To My Life

Like A Wrecking Ball

I look at the dusk setting just outside the window of my dining room. The soles of my feet hurt from standing tad too long in the kitchen. My back aches from all the pots and pans that would not fit in the dishwasher. I am tired. I long to walk outside. To feel the … Continue reading Like A Wrecking Ball

Epiphany: Adoption Edition

I step past Laddu lying on the wooden floor in front of the fridge, in the throes of a magnificent meltdown. Her body heaves and lets out huge sobs, almost too big for her. Her eyes are red, her snot and slob all mixed into a runny mess on her face. I am tempted to … Continue reading Epiphany: Adoption Edition

Flying Solo

I wake up in the dead of the night. Squinting, I realize it is 2:00 AM. I slide out of Laddu’s bed noiselessly and pad my way to my bed. Even as I decide to use the restroom, Laddu plods in behind me, her plaintive cry raising my hackles. Irritably, I climb into the cold … Continue reading Flying Solo

Deconstructing Self Worth

I sit between two women at the tae kwon do class my twins are at. We trade smiles each time one of us turn toward another. We are tentative, jabbing, probing with our eyes, ears and spidey senses to see if there will be a connection. We have forty minutes to kill. Our younger ones … Continue reading Deconstructing Self Worth

On Motherhood and Curated Lives

I woke up to outrage on social media yesterday over the remarks of a minor celeb in India following Women’s Day. My first thought was why amplify one voice over millions of saner ones. I let it be and moved on to other flaming issues. Then again this morning was a slightly smaller, more intimate … Continue reading On Motherhood and Curated Lives

A Good Parent

The timer on the microwave went off signaling it was time for me to leave. I turned the stove off shouting a thousand instructions at the kids, the spouse and my mom as I left. I opted to take the longer, winding back roads to the kid's school. The radio was on and the ethics … Continue reading A Good Parent

Motherhood And Smugness

I look at the clock. It is not yet 10:00 AM. I mull herding Laddu up for her weekly oil bath and then stop at the sight of five huge overripe bananas crowding my fruit basket. I play rhymes on YouTube and seat Laddu on the sofa and preheat the oven. In the next twenty … Continue reading Motherhood And Smugness

On mothering the second time around

I am leaning over the crib where Laddu lies, legs up in the air. I am about to change her diaper when a little hand shoves a bottle of talc on the changing mat. I turn and Ammu stands arms extended. I take it from her and put it away as I explain why I … Continue reading On mothering the second time around

Notes to my past self

I lie sprawled on the couch. My feet touching Saathi's as he is stretched out at the other end. Laddu crawls back and forth aligning herself to the planes and angles of his body and the curves and contours of mine. I lie not asleep but in a deep state of exhaustion after what has … Continue reading Notes to my past self

One year of (s)mothering

Dear Ammu and Pattu, This Sunday is Mother's Day. It will mark one more year of (s)mothering you with love and food. One year of worrying about potty training you and feeling elated when you graduated to underpants. One year of you sleeping all by yourself in your own bed. One year of eating by … Continue reading One year of (s)mothering

Life’s little lessons

Mulling over a few different thoughts in my head, I debated between taking up this tag that is doing its rounds on the internet and writing about this interview I heard today on NPR. After deleting two drafts of the latter since I could not get my thoughts together cogently, I figured I would take … Continue reading Life’s little lessons

Falling in love

Staring at the Facebook page, deep in thought, looking for material for a paper due in a couple of weeks, I saw the reds flash on the baby monitor followed by wails from Cee. Closing the monitor in a hurry, I jumped off the couch and bounded up the stairs to pick her before her … Continue reading Falling in love

Musings on motherhood

Head nestled in the crook of my arm Kay traced her fingers along my lashes emitting a belly laugh when she saw I flinched and scrunched my eyes. She repeated it. I let her play with my eyes and pretended to bite her as I kept an eye on the bottle I was feeding her. … Continue reading Musings on motherhood

One week of motherhood

It's been a week since K and I took the girls into our family promising to cherish and love them all their life. It's been one week of never ending good wishes and blessings pouring into our fledgling family from all over the world. One week of sleepless nights and interminable diaper changes. One week of … Continue reading One week of motherhood