Anniversary, Journal, Love, Personal

COVID-19 Diaries: Anniversary

Nineteen years is a long time. It is even when you factor in the first few years when you are getting to know the person, the next few years when you are struggling to build a family, the years after that are consumed by nurturing this hard-built family. We have both grown. We have both […]

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Feelings, Food, Love, Musings

Saaptiya?

The children troop in, one after another, tired, messy hair and cold. The routine is the same every day. I insist they put their boots away, hang up their jackets and use the bathroom before snack time. I stand by the kitchen island, three bulging school bags lined next to each other. I am methodical. […]

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Family, Gratitude, Love, Musings

Contrarian Love

“Can I get a pair of diamond solitaire earrings?” My tone is playful. He responds with gravity, asking me a zillion questions and finally pronounces that yes he will. “Can we adopt twins?” His immediate reaction is one of incredulity and anger. The next morning, he is sheepish as he agrees to expand our family […]

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Daughters, Family, Kids, Love, Musings

Love That Spilleth Over

Laddu peeks in the study and noticing I am on a work call, closes the door gently behind her as she runs upstairs in search of akkas. Her pigtails bounce up and down as she scampers away and my heart swells with a feeling that feels too big for me.  I am disoriented by the […]

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Family, Love, Musings, vacation

Vacation Tales

We (my children and I) returned from a ten-day trip to Texas late last night. Exhaustion had us sleeping well into the morning. All day today I unpacked and prepped for the week ahead. Milk boiled away in anticipation of making curds. The grinder whirred all evening making a fine silky batter of rice and […]

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Musings, Valentine, Valentine's day

Love, The Cheesy Commercial Version

I roam the aisles of Target as I wait for prescriptions to be filled. Laddu’s hand is in mine. She stops every now and then, pointing, asking, demanding. We meander to the back of the store where hearts are hung from the ceiling and the predominant color is red. I look through the mostly empty […]

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Family, Love, Musings, Saathi

Non Anniversaries

Saathi’s voice modulates up and down to match Laddu’s enthusiasm at the little table by the kitchen island. Laddu is on her tiny pink chair. Her toy from the dollar store named Gem is cooking on the molded one-piece kitchenette propped against a stack of books on the table. Saathi is next to her, his […]

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Music, Musings

All My Life In One Walk

I start off slow, picking up speed as I scale the gentle slopes leading away from home. The music is gentle starting with Ed Sheeran’s Perfect. I imagine the sawdust on my bare feet, leaning into broad shoulders and slow dancing. Things that would never happen in real life. I turn the bend and my […]

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Love, Musings

#ToAllTheBoysIveLovedBefore

#ToAllTheBoysIveLovedBefore at the high school, I was too busy trying to not cry at being called fat, busy trying to fit in, busy trying to come out of the shadow of my beautiful friends. I was trying hard to stay awake in class after 5:00 AM tuitions and after-school remedial classes. I was too caught […]

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Birthday, Happy Birthday, Musings, Saathi

Finally, A Gift He Likes!

“This is the best birthday gift you have given me!” Saathi beams as he chops vegetables and lifts his eyes to mine. I search for snark and find none. He truly is enjoying the breeze the portable fan in front of him is generating. For years he would sit at the island, sweat beading above […]

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Family, Musings

Siblings And Cousins

I scroll through my photos feed on IG and on impulse feel the need to upload one. Browsing through the pictures on my phone, I pause, move and come back to one picture. My sister is looking away in this one, her posture is relaxed, she is focused on brushing my daughter’s hair. Laddu is […]

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Anniversary, Love, Musings, Personal

A Good Man

I am sending some emails when a new one downloads. Saathi the name reads and my face breaks into a smile. Reflexive, something I cannot control. The subject says, “Your PECO bill” and I almost laugh. In the ten days I have been away from home, I haven’t caught myself thinking about him or the […]

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Happy Birthday, Musings

Four Years Old: This Little Baby Of Mine

“Amma, they don’t know sowkyama, nanna irruken…” “What is the word for kaaram?” Laddu is in the backseat trying to convince me that her friends at school do not know Tamil. We have a conversation each morning on the way to her school. Some days she muses on the speed of my driving. Other days […]

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