COVID-19 Diaries: Anniversary

Photo by Văn Thắng on Pexels.com Nineteen years is a long time. It is even when you factor in the first few years when you are getting to know the person, the next few years when you are struggling to build a family, the years after that are consumed by nurturing this hard-built family. We … Continue reading COVID-19 Diaries: Anniversary

COVID-19 Diaries: Birthday Edition

Today was a day I had a lot planned for my twins. Ice cream cake, pizza, a sleepover with friends and possibly surprise gifts. Instead, we woke up to giggling girls, skipped breakfast, ate badam kathli, downed a simple kootu and rice for lunch, napped and cuddled as a family and spent the rest of … Continue reading COVID-19 Diaries: Birthday Edition

Saaptiya?

The children troop in, one after another, tired, messy hair and cold. The routine is the same every day. I insist they put their boots away, hang up their jackets and use the bathroom before snack time. I stand by the kitchen island, three bulging school bags lined next to each other. I am methodical. … Continue reading Saaptiya?

Contrarian Love

"Can I get a pair of diamond solitaire earrings?" My tone is playful. He responds with gravity, asking me a zillion questions and finally pronounces that yes he will. "Can we adopt twins?" His immediate reaction is one of incredulity and anger. The next morning, he is sheepish as he agrees to expand our family … Continue reading Contrarian Love

Ten Years. Many Lessons.

  This week marks ten years since we went from being a couple to parents of twins. Each year I struggle with marking the day. Obviously, it is of import to me. It also is of import to my children in ways I cannot measure or understand. I consciously stay away from anything celebratory. I … Continue reading Ten Years. Many Lessons.

Birthday Wishes For The Man In My Life

His voice undulates as he reads. Laddu is on his lap, her hands raised to circle his neck. Ammu is sitting on the sofa behind him, a smile playing on her lips. Pattu scrambles downstairs at the sound of his voice, leaving behind a trail of LOL dolls and their accessories. I walk around the … Continue reading Birthday Wishes For The Man In My Life

Love That Spilleth Over

Laddu peeks in the study and noticing I am on a work call, closes the door gently behind her as she runs upstairs in search of akkas. Her pigtails bounce up and down as she scampers away and my heart swells with a feeling that feels too big for me.  I am disoriented by the … Continue reading Love That Spilleth Over

Vacation Tales

We (my children and I) returned from a ten-day trip to Texas late last night. Exhaustion had us sleeping well into the morning. All day today I unpacked and prepped for the week ahead. Milk boiled away in anticipation of making curds. The grinder whirred all evening making a fine silky batter of rice and … Continue reading Vacation Tales

Building A Sonata

Earlier this week, a friend shared this letter (excerpt 3). Words that have stuck with me for over two decades now when I first discovered Bach and the Bridge Across Forever. There was even a time when I thought I could not get married to someone who cannot discuss stuff like this with me. Eighteen years … Continue reading Building A Sonata

Milestone: Ten Years Old

Pattu bounds down the stairs each morning, a full hour before her sister Ammu wakes. Some days she hugs me around the middle. Some days, she sits at the island waiting for her dad to wake and give her company as she brushes. Our early morning conversations are limited but a growing reminder of how … Continue reading Milestone: Ten Years Old

Love, The Cheesy Commercial Version

I roam the aisles of Target as I wait for prescriptions to be filled. Laddu’s hand is in mine. She stops every now and then, pointing, asking, demanding. We meander to the back of the store where hearts are hung from the ceiling and the predominant color is red. I look through the mostly empty … Continue reading Love, The Cheesy Commercial Version

Non Anniversaries

Saathi’s voice modulates up and down to match Laddu’s enthusiasm at the little table by the kitchen island. Laddu is on her tiny pink chair. Her toy from the dollar store named Gem is cooking on the molded one-piece kitchenette propped against a stack of books on the table. Saathi is next to her, his … Continue reading Non Anniversaries

Love Is All That Matters

My iWatch shows 6:46 AM. The king size bed I am in is curiously populated. I am on one side almost at the edge of my side. My youngest is way past the middle on dad’s side of the bed. A little away is Pattu breathing heavily and making it known she is awake and … Continue reading Love Is All That Matters

All My Life In One Walk

I start off slow, picking up speed as I scale the gentle slopes leading away from home. The music is gentle starting with Ed Sheeran’s Perfect. I imagine the sawdust on my bare feet, leaning into broad shoulders and slow dancing. Things that would never happen in real life. I turn the bend and my … Continue reading All My Life In One Walk

Open Adoption Goes Both Ways

“I am bored!” The words seem to resound, bounce off the walls of our home over the weekend. If they were not out biking or prone on the sofa, eyes glazed over, watching something inane on the television, they start like cicadas, a lone voice, growing, amplifying into a resonant chorus until I either yell … Continue reading Open Adoption Goes Both Ways

#ToAllTheBoysIveLovedBefore

#ToAllTheBoysIveLovedBefore at the high school, I was too busy trying to not cry at being called fat, busy trying to fit in, busy trying to come out of the shadow of my beautiful friends. I was trying hard to stay awake in class after 5:00 AM tuitions and after-school remedial classes. I was too caught … Continue reading #ToAllTheBoysIveLovedBefore

Finally, A Gift He Likes!

“This is the best birthday gift you have given me!” Saathi beams as he chops vegetables and lifts his eyes to mine. I search for snark and find none. He truly is enjoying the breeze the portable fan in front of him is generating. For years he would sit at the island, sweat beading above … Continue reading Finally, A Gift He Likes!

Siblings And Cousins

I scroll through my photos feed on IG and on impulse feel the need to upload one. Browsing through the pictures on my phone, I pause, move and come back to one picture. My sister is looking away in this one, her posture is relaxed, she is focused on brushing my daughter’s hair. Laddu is … Continue reading Siblings And Cousins

A Good Man

I am sending some emails when a new one downloads. Saathi the name reads and my face breaks into a smile. Reflexive, something I cannot control. The subject says, “Your PECO bill” and I almost laugh. In the ten days I have been away from home, I haven’t caught myself thinking about him or the … Continue reading A Good Man

Like A Yo-yo

She rolls to and from me like a yo-yo, the weight of her body propelling her first one way and then another. I clutch at her something fierce and let go with just the same vigor. We are on the bed, Laddu and I. It has been a month since she has given up her … Continue reading Like A Yo-yo

Four Years Old: This Little Baby Of Mine

“Amma, they don’t know sowkyama, nanna irruken…” “What is the word for kaaram?” Laddu is in the backseat trying to convince me that her friends at school do not know Tamil. We have a conversation each morning on the way to her school. Some days she muses on the speed of my driving. Other days … Continue reading Four Years Old: This Little Baby Of Mine