This has been years in the making I guess. This week, I watched passively as a group I am in made plans to organize something. In the past, I would have been eager, loud and passionate about being the architect of such plans. This time, I watched, a little amused, unaffected by what was happening.…
Kumao, I say bowing deeply as I thank Saathi for something. He laughs. Dey, Kha, Saranghae. The words slip easily into conversation. My head is a soup of words in various languages at all times. I gush over the latest show I am watching to a friend and she says “They all look the same…
For some reason my mind went to the December of 1999 when the world was on the cusp of a new millenia. Back then 2020s was the future. I was 24, single and, working for an MNC. I remember the hope I carried in my heart like some flame that could not be put out.…
This week has been one for milestone birthdays, twenty fifth wedding anniversaries and other time markers that has me thinking. People of my age are at a cusp in their lives as they stare at empty nests and retirement in the not so distant future. As I walked around my home this morning striding to…
I live my life in phases. My social media at any given point is a reflection of the community I seek. So, my timeline, is in a sense the detritus of my past two decades. There are times when I feel an intense desire to wipe it all clean and disappear. I let the impulse…
Our lives glide smoothly, seamless on predetermined paths. Occasionally, I pass you in the distance, the tilt of the head, the familiar gait causing my heart to quicken and a smile to appear on my face. Sometimes, I notice a picture on your status and I linger just a moment before I move on. Sometimes,…
Today has been a day lived in full cognizance of the passing of time. Each moment together, sweeter because of the change that sets in tomorrow with the beginning of the school year. I put in the effort to make a meal that could be savored as a family. We went out for dinner and…
Under the glare of lamps in an almost deserted parking lot, our family of five stood in the night breeze, savoring the chill and, watching a beautiful fireworks show. The fireworks capped a lovely day spent shopping for back to school clothes, bags and supplies. As our older children picked out outfits, Saathi and I…
“Mom! mom!!” Her excitement is contagious as she bounds down the stairs, her smile stretching from ear to ear, her eyes wide as saucers. I have my AirPods on as I listen to a masterclass on retrograde planets. I pause the lesson and slow my pace to take in what is happening. “The tooth fairy…
I pulled a card from my Smith Waite tarot deck when my youngest walked in, grumpy. “The tooth fairy did not come…” she complained. I cursed myself mentally for forgetting that her tooth had fallen out and she had written a note attaching a gift for the said fairy. I held her as she grumbled…
I begin most days with cooking prep followed by a sort of brisk walk around my home as I listen to podcasts on the YouTube app. My playlist is filled with astrologers. Some are quick takes on mundane astrology, weighing in on the pressing news of the moment. Some are rambling philosophical takes on the…
The past few weeks have been eye-opening for me personally. I have put myself in rooms where I am not comfortable, rooms where at times, I have worried for my physical safety, rooms which I left with my heart quaking, arms and legs shaking. The words I heard in these rooms rudely brought me to…
The pandemic and by association, the seclusion, has afforded me a lot of time to think. I think a lot most days. It is my default setting. I am either reflecting on the past or planning for the future. My thoughts almost always revolve around family or the future me. It is, but natural that…
I was logged in to work, early for a Friday morning that is, when Laddu, also logged into her school iPad in the same room, walked up to me. Her face was serious. I removed my ear phones and gave her my full attention preparing myself to send a note to her teacher whatever the…
I stumbled onto Shabnam Samuel by chance. A common FB group, a random conversation and then an intentional phone call had me ordering her debut novel on Amazon. I thought of it as good karma. Something I did for a fellow writer. Admittedly, the blurb of her book intrigued me and I would have looked…
I chew thoughtfully, very aware of the camera’s gaze on me. I try and ignore its presence. Sometimes I am successful. I go about my day aware of a third unseeing eye in the house. My children color on pages, the camera a benign presence. They chat about inane things. Sometimes, they say something profound.…
I am crouched behind the door, my large frame cramped on the tiny steps leading down to the basement. Pattu and Laddu are downstairs in the room farthest from where I am and I can still hear the muted sounds from the iPad they are playing with. Ammu is seated on the stairs across from…
I am at my desk flipping through pictures from the wedding on my phone. In what can only be termed whirlwind, we flew to Delhi last week to attend a cousins wedding. We returned late Saturday night after 34 hours of travel with three exhausted and sick kids. Ammu on waking Sunday morning declared “I…
The alarm went off at 3:00 AM and I stood sipping coffee in the cool back patio of my sister’s home while my Amma sat on the recliner inside listening intently to the radio online. She made a picture. Her eyes narrowed in focus, her glasses perched midway on her nose. Her coffee cup sat to…
Dear Ammu, Pattu, and Laddu, Today is Karadaiyan nonbu, a festival dedicated to a woman in Hindu mythology for defying death and saving her husband’s life. As a mother and wife, I probably view this tale differently. Growing up though, all I remember are the yummy adais that my Amma would make and the thin…
Read more Letters To My Daughters: On Religion, Faith, Culture and Rituals
“I don’t like my fake name” muttered Ammu, my first daughter. I was bent over the stove tossing rice noodles in a base of lemon and sesame oil. The heady aroma of tempered mustard and curry leaves almost made me miss the statement. A part of me always attuned to disturbances in the air peaked…
Lakshmi Iyer 