As we turn the corner into December and watch the end of the year loom larger ahead, reflections on the year(s) passed creep into my head. It starts slowly. A sense of gratitude sneaks in along with the twinkling lights at night. The chill outside seems to edge the temperatures higher inside me. I feel all warm and fuzzy in the run up to the end of the year.
The sight of my children’s father reading to them as the clock strikes 7:45 AM and am scurrying around like a headless chicken is enough to send me over the edge. Not of the angry kind. The kind that has me dropping what I am doing and leaning over the sink wistfully looking into the distance with glazed eyes.
I look around me and realize this is what dreams are made of. Security, warmth, happiness. Mind over matter. Attitude over circumstance. Balance over peaks and valleys.
A conversation I had with a couple of friends yesterday still echoes in my ears. One was about themes and the other about friendship. Not unrelated.
The theme for the past few months has been relationships. The non platonic kinds. Once the heady rush of hormones tamp down is when you realize what you have signed up for. For each dream realized there is a silent partner signing on the dotted line. For every path not taken, there is a sane voice reassuring me from behind.
And then there are the friendships. The ones that mutate over time taking different forms and shapes. One line emails that bring a smile to your face. A random status update that reminds you of the better times you have had. The sight of a blinking IM window that signals a connection from your past. One you never expected to stand the test of time.
As this year winds down and a new one stares me in the eye, I send a prayer heavenward. One of gratitude.