I woke up to a message on FB with a link to this Buzzfeed article on Myka Stauffer. Prior to reading the article, I had no idea who she was. It is a reflection on how little I am connected to the world of influencers and their ilk. I read the article a few times. […]
Read moreBook Update: Why is my hair curly?
So, I have news. “Why is my hair curly?” will be available on Amazon in a few weeks in Kindle format. The physical book will take a couple of months to be available given the lockdown in India. While I wait for the book to be available and permission to share the cover for the […]
Read moreCOVID-19 Diaries: Openness When Confronting Mortality
My watch buzzes and a familiar name pops up. My smile is huge, stretching from ear to ear. I reach for my phone and open the Messages app. It from Gigi, my daughters’ great grandmother of sorts. This time, the picture is of my newborn twins. A week ago, she sent me a picture of […]
Read moreTen Years. Many Lessons.
This week marks ten years since we went from being a couple to parents of twins. Each year I struggle with marking the day. Obviously, it is of import to me. It also is of import to my children in ways I cannot measure or understand. I consciously stay away from anything celebratory. I […]
Read moreMusings: Openness In Adoption
I walk around the house mid-morning, my eyes scanning for things to put away or trash. I am tired of the disorganized mess I live in. I am too tired to fix it. My eyes fall on a ring on the floor of Ammu’s room. I pick it up and tuck it into my pocket. […]
Read more#NAM2018 National Adoption Awareness Month: What Can Adoptive Parents Do?
Each November adoptionland is rife with op-eds, hashtags, conferences, panels and social media blitzes by all members of the triad. #FlipTheScript was all I heard over the past few years. I listened hard and reflected on what I heard. Some years, I wrote about my experience with openness in the context of our lives. This […]
Read moreOpen Adoption: Real Lives. Real Impacts.
My daughter, all of nine and I are standing, facing each other. I hold a tube of cucumber face pack and apply the goo in an even layer all over her face. I avoid her fine blond hair, so pale that I have to look carefully to even see it. Up close, her face is […]
Read moreAdoption: Complex, Nuanced, Heavy
The music of my teenage fills my ears as I walk and I feel a sense of being cocooned. I hum along with numbers I can remember. The beauty of Urdu washes over me and I am happy. The way one is happy for no reason. Last night, I sat on a two-seater sofa with […]
Read moreThree Identical Strangers: Thoughts And Angst
Spoiler Alert. I highly recommend you watch the movie before reading I watched the trailer for Three Identical Strangers end of June this year. I was fascinated. Not just because this was a story of adoption but because it seemed too incredible to be true. The dramatic music, the reenactments and the hints of something […]
Read moreOpen Adoption Goes Both Ways
“I am bored!” The words seem to resound, bounce off the walls of our home over the weekend. If they were not out biking or prone on the sofa, eyes glazed over, watching something inane on the television, they start like cicadas, a lone voice, growing, amplifying into a resonant chorus until I either yell […]
Read moreA Tale Of Two Mothers
It is dusk, the clouds have been gathering in force all through the day, threatening rain. I am in my study after what feels like ages. For a week I have been tending to my guests, cooking, cleaning, worrying and walking. Today, the house feels quiet, calm, normal. On Monday, the mother of my older […]
Read moreEssay: Motherhood, Cleaved
An essay I wrote earlier this year reflecting on how my mothering my children feels cleaved is now online on the Adoptive Families Magazine website. If you are not a subscriber, you can read the piece here: Adoptive Motherhood_Cleaved.
Read moreMotherhood, Cleaved
cleave1split or sever (something), especially along a natural line or grain.“the large ax his father used to cleave wood for the fire” cleave2stick fast to.“Rose’s mouth was dry, her tongue cleaving to the roof of her mouth” adhere strongly to (a particular pursuit or belief).“part of why we cleave to sports is that excellence is […]
Read moreMommy, Mommy: The Soundtrack To My Life
My hands circles her tiny body, my face pressed against her back as she sits and turns the pages of the Llama Llama book I got from the library. Her voice falls up and down, the cadence of it lulling me into a sense of bliss. I am almost asleep when she abruptly flings my […]
Read moreThe Stranger In My Genes: Book Review (Sort of)
A few weeks ago, I went through a spell where my head was full of thoughts. Disjointed, nostalgic, angst-filled thoughts as I navigated reaching out to relatives of my children I found out through DNA testing. The writer in me saw stories in the making. As an observer, I wanted to record so much of […]
Read moreOf Kinship And Blood Ties
I feel the anxiety in the stomach, in the way I zone out while driving, in the blur of familiar landscapes, in the music that hardly registers in my brain. A few months ago, my children and I had DNA tests done. It was mostly an exercise to figure out what ancestry we each had. […]
Read moreEpiphany: Adoption Edition
I step past Laddu lying on the wooden floor in front of the fridge, in the throes of a magnificent meltdown. Her body heaves and lets out huge sobs, almost too big for her. Her eyes are red, her snot and slob all mixed into a runny mess on her face. I am tempted to […]
Read moreOn Gotcha Days And Marking Milestones
Most days like today, I clear up the kitchen, run a round of laundry, attend to chores and with one satisfying sweep through the house, I purposefully walk towards the study knowing I have earned my space and time. I start with email, quickly scan my FB feed and settle down on Twitter. I get […]
Read moreWhy I Share My Story
I am crouched behind the door, my large frame cramped on the tiny steps leading down to the basement. Pattu and Laddu are downstairs in the room farthest from where I am and I can still hear the muted sounds from the iPad they are playing with. Ammu is seated on the stairs across from […]
Read moreOf Sobfests And Deep Learnings
I walk down, groggy from a nap that did nothing to wash away the bone-deep exhaustion I am feeling. I hear the giggles quiet down, the TV is turned off and a hush descends on the home. I wince trying to ignore the effect I have on my children. We array ourselves around the kitchen […]
Read moreConflicting. Conflicted.
“You ate octopus,” I say, my eyes wrinkled with laughter. I sneak glances at the back seat where all three of my children are sitting, seat belts holding them back. They are laughing. “What?!” Pattu is amused and shocked. Ammu grows quiet. “You mean we were meat eaters before you changed us?” the question is […]
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