This week marks ten years since we went from being a couple to parents of twins. Each year I struggle with marking the day. Obviously, it is of import to me. It also is of import to my children in ways I cannot measure or understand. I consciously stay away from anything celebratory. I … Continue reading Ten Years. Many Lessons.
It is growing dark. Pattu's flashlight bobs up and down in the dusk. I am walking beside her and watching her try to stamp on the beam's focal point. It is like watching a dog chase its tail. Exhausting and entertaining at the same time. I throw a question at her and hope to catch … Continue reading One Walk At A Time
In the midst of stir-frying a melange of vegetables for my children's’ lunchbox, I reach out for my phone. I shake the pan on one hand and scroll through my FB feed on the other. I set the pan down and lean on the kitchen counter as I catch up on writing-related posts. Next up … Continue reading Becoming Our Mothers
Pattu enters through the garage, her backpack sliding off her shoulder and her right hand clutching a patterned paper bag. I reach out for it and she holds back, her smile leaking through her eyes. She hands me her backpack instead and heads right for her room. Ammu walks in next and brushes past me … Continue reading Mother’s Day: Gratitude
My hands circles her tiny body, my face pressed against her back as she sits and turns the pages of the Llama Llama book I got from the library. Her voice falls up and down, the cadence of it lulling me into a sense of bliss. I am almost asleep when she abruptly flings my … Continue reading Mommy, Mommy: The Soundtrack To My Life
I look at the dusk setting just outside the window of my dining room. The soles of my feet hurt from standing tad too long in the kitchen. My back aches from all the pots and pans that would not fit in the dishwasher. I am tired. I long to walk outside. To feel the … Continue reading Like A Wrecking Ball
I sit between two women at the tae kwon do class my twins are at. We trade smiles each time one of us turn toward another. We are tentative, jabbing, probing with our eyes, ears and spidey senses to see if there will be a connection. We have forty minutes to kill. Our younger ones … Continue reading Deconstructing Self Worth
The alarm went off at 3:00 AM and I stood sipping coffee in the cool back patio of my sister's home while my Amma sat on the recliner inside listening intently to the radio online. She made a picture. Her eyes narrowed in focus, her glasses perched midway on her nose. Her coffee cup sat to … Continue reading BBC Asia Radio Interview
My hand shakes a bit as I shape the batter on the sizzling tawa resulting in an imperfect heart. I try to fix it and end up making it misshapen. I dot the edges with ghee and feel frustration overwhelm me. The clock reads 8:16 AM. Six minutes before the bus will trundle past my … Continue reading Imperfect Love
I watch as Ammu steps out of the garage into the sun. I watch as she mulls walking through the puddle of rainwater in the middle of the driveway. I will her to turn, to acknowledge that I am there, standing, watching, hoping. She walks, eyes resolutely ahead. I swallow the lump at my throat … Continue reading Parenting – A No-Win Game?
I stand by the kitchen picture window, furiously chopping the cabbage. Laddu clings to my feet, crying piteously. Snot runs from her nose, her lips quiver and eyes are brimming with tears. One more piece to go I remind myself and focus at the task on hand. I glance up to see Ammu and Pattu … Continue reading Sometimes there are none
Mothering is not just rainbows and unicorns. It is the not so fine moments that do not get vocalized.