Death, Life, Musings

Inscrutable Grief

My toes feel the sand as it oozes through the gaps, a sludge of water and sand. The debris the waves deposit and pull back from the shore sometimes grazes my naked calf. I don’t quite like the sensation, or the imagination my mind conjures. It feels like someone is churning the ocean, generating ripples, […]

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Death, Musings

In Rainbows And Colors, She Rests

It arrives in the form of a grave email, the somber tone, the weight of the words taking time to sink. It steeps in me, slowly. I feel it in my eyes, in my throat, in the pit of my stomach. I call out to my children who are working on Math. I share with […]

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Death, Musings

Of Saying Good Bye

The sky is endlessly grey as we drive back home from the airport. The children are squabbling at the back while Saathi concentrates on the road. I am ostensibly looking at my phone but my head is trying to wrap itself around the fact that the world now does not contain my father in law […]

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Death, Musings

Triggers

My eyes are crusty when I wake. In the dim light of dawn, I scrub my face and realize I have been crying. The kind of heaving, sobbing, heavy crying, deep in the throes of sleep. I went to bed thinking of my father in law who is recovering from an infection. Somewhere in my […]

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Death, Musings

Grief And Regrets

I sit up wide awake from what must have been a light sleep. The clock reads 4:00 AM. I pick my phone as is habit. The first status on my newsfeed is a cryptic message mourning the loss of someone who was once dear to me. A childhood friend, a friend from my teenage, a […]

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Death, Musings, Rant

The Spectacle That Is Death

I scroll through my twitter feed, aimless, bored. I hit the search button and key in #Jayalalithaa the results stream in reiterating the same things from the last time I searched about an hour ago. I am fascinated. I am obsessed. I am morbidly curious. In 1999, my Appa lay in the same hospital in […]

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