Hard Conversations

Photo by Vincent M.A. Janssen on Pexels.com Not unlike a day last year following George Floyd's death at the hands of the police, I stood by the kitchen island and played a seven minute video showing what happened in the nation's Capitol yesterday. All three of my children watched in horror as men and women … Continue reading Hard Conversations

COVID-19 Diaries: Pandemic Pets

I watch as my middle child sneaks furtively into the kitchen and scamper out with a disposable plastic container. I call out to her and she freezes. She hands over the container and refuses to answer my questions on what it was for. I am miffed and curious but not suspicious yet. A little while … Continue reading COVID-19 Diaries: Pandemic Pets

COVID-19 Diaries: Virtual School

Photo by August de Richelieu on Pexels.com It is late Monday morning. It is also a long weekend. I should be cooking, instead I am seated at the breakfast table, two iPads, two dated planners next to me, my Macbook open to a spreadsheet, my iPhone showing me the schedule for the child whose planner … Continue reading COVID-19 Diaries: Virtual School

The Race Conversation

“What is the meaning of race?” My elbows are flat against the kitchen island, my face level with my girls. “Run?” “Bring children up?” The twins come up with every possible meaning but the one I was curious to know what they knew. We drank our kaapi, set Laddu up so she could Facetime her … Continue reading The Race Conversation

Ten Years. Many Lessons.

  This week marks ten years since we went from being a couple to parents of twins. Each year I struggle with marking the day. Obviously, it is of import to me. It also is of import to my children in ways I cannot measure or understand. I consciously stay away from anything celebratory. I … Continue reading Ten Years. Many Lessons.

Growing Up

I pass Laddu’s bedroom en route to mine. A cutout of a rainbow is taped to her door. The door is closed. It bothers me but I can’t quite figure out why. I straighten the bed in Pattu’s room. All around me are signs of disorganization. I sigh and look up. On the ceiling right … Continue reading Growing Up

Untaught Lessons

I am driving home from my brother's place. Amma is in the passenger seat beside me. Pattu and Laddu are in the back seat bopping to the music streaming from my phone. In the front, we are catching up on the weekend and trading stories. New Rules by Dua Lipa comes on. I lip sync … Continue reading Untaught Lessons

Letting Go, Just A Little Bit

I hear the bus before I see it. My pace picks up speed. I meet neighbors on the way to the bus stop but my mind is on my five-year-old Laddu. The bus passes me and Pattu waves from inside. I am wondering if I should jog the last few meters to the bus stop … Continue reading Letting Go, Just A Little Bit

Becoming Our Mothers

In the midst of stir-frying a melange of vegetables for my children's’ lunchbox, I reach out for my phone. I shake the pan on one hand and scroll through my FB feed on the other. I set the pan down and lean on the kitchen counter as I catch up on writing-related posts. Next up … Continue reading Becoming Our Mothers

Be Careful What You Wish For

A few weeks back as I nuzzled the top of Laddu’s head as she curled up against me in the afternoon, I felt an intense need to keep her close and never let go. It hit me that this child will soon be in Kindergarten, taking the bus with her sisters. This time I get … Continue reading Be Careful What You Wish For

Annual Rituals: Back To School

“It’s not fair!” I exclaim to Ammu as the pile of hand-me-downs for Laddu grows in height. “That poor child always wears old stuff.” Ammu is silent as she chews on my remark. In a voice that is careful she says “No, you do actually get her new things.” I let go of my mock … Continue reading Annual Rituals: Back To School

Waiting For The Shoe To Drop

The sound of drums and cymbals reverberate through the house. I am at the stove sauteeing a mix of onions, tomatoes, ginger and curry leaves. The smell is sharp, pungent and reminiscent of my past. Saathi is sprawled on the sofa watching the Wimbledon Mens Semi-Finals the way I get immersed in books. I envy … Continue reading Waiting For The Shoe To Drop

Before And After

  Some moments in life are definitive. The Before. The After. I stormed out of the local laboratory, a sobbing Ammu behind me. The walk to the car seemed interminable. I knew I should have stopped, bent to her level, held her close, wiped her tears and walked slowly, together to the car. Yet, I … Continue reading Before And After

Human After All

I feel connected, my arms waving with the music, my voice joining in with the chorus of voices that emanates, amplifies and fills the theater. I was at a rehearsal at the Lincoln theater where the Harmony Project choir was preparing for their December finale. I watched David Brown orchestrate a beautiful crowd of people … Continue reading Human After All

Shaping Worldview

It is early in the morning. Way too early for eight-year-olds to be up on a weekend. I sip on my coffee as Pattu shuffles a pack of cards in her hand. “Different groups of people,” she reads, pauses and answers with a dramatic voice “Diversity” I reach for the cards and the first that … Continue reading Shaping Worldview

Girlfriends

There is frenzied knocking on my bathroom door followed by incoherent yelling. I turn the shower off and manage to catch part of it. “Can Ammu and I go to our friend L and J’s home? Please? Pretty please?” I am impressed by the depth of feelings that pours out of Pattu’s voice. “No! You … Continue reading Girlfriends

Hot Pink Bikes And Time That Zooms Ahead

“I’ll never give up,” Ammu says, her eyes fierce. She straddles the new bike she is testing in the store, balances on her toes and tentatively pushes ahead. The bike wobbles and she stops, tries again and this time sails ahead. She brakes hard and manages not to fall. I watch from my vantage point … Continue reading Hot Pink Bikes And Time That Zooms Ahead

Tomorrow I will…

“Let’s play konji konji Amma,” she says, her eyes pleading with me. I reluctantly put away my phone and scoop her up. We cuddle, bounce, trade squishy hugs and sit on the recliner looking at clouds through the window. It is mid morning. We have not showered yet. I am loathe to move, to bring … Continue reading Tomorrow I will…

The Very Many Firsts

The window over my sink lets in a mottled mix of sun and clouds. A grey sky putting up a good resistance to the Sun. I stand there rooting for the Sun and smiling a goofy smile. I sip on my coffee and reach for my phone. I scroll through my pictures selecting randomly. Each … Continue reading The Very Many Firsts

Sisters, Forever.

They sit side by side, their blonde locks sticking up with the static in the air. They leave a trail of hats, winter jackets, gloves and scarfs from the door to the kitchen. I lay their school bags between them and me, a buffer that gives me time to really wake from my nap and … Continue reading Sisters, Forever.