Truth Permits Us Space To Hold Duality

Earlier in October, Carrie Goldman who runs the Portrait of an adoption series on Chicago Now reached out asking if I would like to submit a piece for their 10th anniversary run. I agreed and thought about what I wanted to write given this is National Adoption Awareness Month. The liminal space in adoption is … Continue reading Truth Permits Us Space To Hold Duality

Adoption: Do Not Adopt Unless You WANT To

I woke up to a message on FB with a link to this Buzzfeed article on Myka Stauffer. Prior to reading the article, I had no idea who she was. It is a reflection on how little I am connected to the world of influencers and their ilk. I read the article a few times. … Continue reading Adoption: Do Not Adopt Unless You WANT To

Ten Years. Many Lessons.

  This week marks ten years since we went from being a couple to parents of twins. Each year I struggle with marking the day. Obviously, it is of import to me. It also is of import to my children in ways I cannot measure or understand. I consciously stay away from anything celebratory. I … Continue reading Ten Years. Many Lessons.

Musings: Openness In Adoption

I walk around the house mid-morning, my eyes scanning for things to put away or trash. I am tired of the disorganized mess I live in. I am too tired to fix it. My eyes fall on a ring on the floor of Ammu’s room. I pick it up and tuck it into my pocket. … Continue reading Musings: Openness In Adoption

#NAM2018 National Adoption Awareness Month: What Can Adoptive Parents Do?

Each November adoptionland is rife with op-eds, hashtags, conferences, panels and social media blitzes by all members of the triad. #FlipTheScript was all I heard over the past few years. I listened hard and reflected on what I heard. Some years, I wrote about my experience with openness in the context of our lives. This … Continue reading #NAM2018 National Adoption Awareness Month: What Can Adoptive Parents Do?

Open Adoption: Real Lives. Real Impacts.

My daughter, all of nine and I are standing, facing each other. I hold a tube of cucumber face pack and apply the goo in an even layer all over her face. I avoid her fine blond hair, so pale that I have to look carefully to even see it. Up close, her face is … Continue reading Open Adoption: Real Lives. Real Impacts.

Adoption: Complex, Nuanced, Heavy

The music of my teenage fills my ears as I walk and I feel a sense of being cocooned. I hum along with numbers I can remember. The beauty of Urdu washes over me and I am happy. The way one is happy for no reason. Last night, I sat on a two-seater sofa with … Continue reading Adoption: Complex, Nuanced, Heavy

Three Identical Strangers: Thoughts And Angst

Spoiler Alert. I highly recommend you watch the movie before reading I watched the trailer for Three Identical Strangers end of June this year. I was fascinated. Not just because this was a story of adoption but because it seemed too incredible to be true. The dramatic music, the reenactments and the hints of something … Continue reading Three Identical Strangers: Thoughts And Angst

Open Adoption Goes Both Ways

“I am bored!” The words seem to resound, bounce off the walls of our home over the weekend. If they were not out biking or prone on the sofa, eyes glazed over, watching something inane on the television, they start like cicadas, a lone voice, growing, amplifying into a resonant chorus until I either yell … Continue reading Open Adoption Goes Both Ways

A Tale Of Two Mothers

It is dusk, the clouds have been gathering in force all through the day, threatening rain. I am in my study after what feels like ages. For a week I have been tending to my guests, cooking, cleaning, worrying and walking. Today, the house feels quiet, calm, normal. On Monday, the mother of my older … Continue reading A Tale Of Two Mothers

Essay: Motherhood, Cleaved

An essay I wrote earlier this year reflecting on how my mothering my children feels cleaved is now online on the Adoptive Families Magazine website. If you are not a subscriber, you can read the piece here: Adoptive Motherhood_Cleaved.

Motherhood, Cleaved

cleave1split or sever (something), especially along a natural line or grain."the large ax his father used to cleave wood for the fire" cleave2stick fast to."Rose's mouth was dry, her tongue cleaving to the roof of her mouth" adhere strongly to (a particular pursuit or belief)."part of why we cleave to sports is that excellence is … Continue reading Motherhood, Cleaved

Mommy, Mommy: The Soundtrack To My Life

My hands circles her tiny body, my face pressed against her back as she sits and turns the pages of the Llama Llama book I got from the library. Her voice falls up and down, the cadence of it lulling me into a sense of bliss. I am almost asleep when she abruptly flings my … Continue reading Mommy, Mommy: The Soundtrack To My Life

The Stranger In My Genes: Book Review (Sort of)

A few weeks ago, I went through a spell where my head was full of thoughts. Disjointed, nostalgic, angst-filled thoughts as I navigated reaching out to relatives of my children I found out through DNA testing. The writer in me saw stories in the making. As an observer, I wanted to record so much of … Continue reading The Stranger In My Genes: Book Review (Sort of)

Of Kinship And Blood Ties

I feel the anxiety in the stomach, in the way I zone out while driving, in the blur of familiar landscapes, in the music that hardly registers in my brain. A few months ago, my children and I had DNA tests done. It was mostly an exercise to figure out what ancestry we each had. … Continue reading Of Kinship And Blood Ties

Epiphany: Adoption Edition

I step past Laddu lying on the wooden floor in front of the fridge, in the throes of a magnificent meltdown. Her body heaves and lets out huge sobs, almost too big for her. Her eyes are red, her snot and slob all mixed into a runny mess on her face. I am tempted to … Continue reading Epiphany: Adoption Edition

On Gotcha Days And Marking Milestones

Most days like today, I clear up the kitchen, run a round of laundry, attend to chores and with one satisfying sweep through the house, I purposefully walk towards the study knowing I have earned my space and time. I start with email, quickly scan my FB feed and settle down on Twitter. I get … Continue reading On Gotcha Days And Marking Milestones

Why I Share My Story

I am crouched behind the door, my large frame cramped on the tiny steps leading down to the basement. Pattu and Laddu are downstairs in the room farthest from where I am and I can still hear the muted sounds from the iPad they are playing with. Ammu is seated on the stairs across from … Continue reading Why I Share My Story

Of Sobfests And Deep Learnings

I walk down, groggy from a nap that did nothing to wash away the bone-deep exhaustion I am feeling. I hear the giggles quiet down, the TV is turned off and a hush descends on the home. I wince trying to ignore the effect I have on my children. We array ourselves around the kitchen … Continue reading Of Sobfests And Deep Learnings

Conflicting. Conflicted.

“You ate octopus,” I say, my eyes wrinkled with laughter. I sneak glances at the back seat where all three of my children are sitting, seat belts holding them back. They are laughing. “What?!” Pattu is amused and shocked. Ammu grows quiet. “You mean we were meat eaters before you changed us?” the question is … Continue reading Conflicting. Conflicted.