One of the moments from our trip is this picture of white sand/gypsum flowing freely from my husband’s hand. The loose grip, the easy flow, the few grains of sand stuck to the hand after, all gone after a wipe down.

Often in my open adoption journey, I am asked if I worry about my children leaving me for their birth families. My answers range from a simple no to wrangling with why people around me are insecure for me.

We are the products of our upbringing and childhood. Our relationships with our parents and people in our family offer a blueprint for how we navigate our adult lives. Mostly, we tend to repeat what worked for us and stay away from things we resented.

Growing up, I felt cloistered. As a mother I understand why things were the way they were when I was a young girl. Today, I try to parent with a light touch. I hold lightly, hoping they know I have their back. As my children navigate young adulthood, I know there will be moments when I question my parenting decisions. There will be moments when I wish I had held on a little harder, pushed them a little further.

My children are not my possessions. They are people in their own right. As they grow, they will form relationships with other people, they will build their own families. I hope I will be included in their definition of family. The parent child relationship is one way. I longed for my children. They fill up my heart and life with their presence. Some day, all I will have are memories.

I only hope that I hold on to them like sand, loose, free flowing and fully in the knowledge that they are with me for a fleeting moment in the full breadth of their lives. And hopefully, that is enough.

Adoption Parenthood Parenting Adoption Parenting Reflections