Existential Angst

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The New Year started with a wave of positive COVID cases around me, in my neighborhood, in my family and possibly in my home. As we rode out the cough, cold and the seemingly common cold like symptoms, I was beginning to feel like maybe, just maybe, this new Omicron could be the vaccine the world needs – an attenuated virus that spreads easily, does not cause severe disease and offers protection against other forms of COVID.

Then, this morning murmurs of a new variant, of a new form of disease that is a mix of flu and coronavirus (Flurona apparently!) made my way. The exhaustion I feel is bone deep. The constant vigilance, the keeping up with the ever evolving guidelines, the inability of any kind of governmental or local body to move quickly and nimbly to combat a virus that is ninja like it is ability to change has me defeated.

There are moments of “let it rip and whatever left is left” that assail me. Then, there are moments of undirected anger at the universe. Then, there are quiet moments that feature epiphanies.

The grind of everyday life when we seem to be hopping from plague to plague makes me wonder about the point of it all. The education, the working, the stress on making money, preparing for an unknown future that may or may not exist.

I walk around the house and wonder what I would do if I knew time was running out. Would I continue on this rinse, repeat mode day after day? I have no idea what I would actually do but that little exercise in day dreaming made me realize the things I enjoy have little to do with what I do in my day to day life. If money was not a driver, my life would look vastly different. If success was measured in terms of the quality of life rather than material security, then life would be very different.

I understand the perils of an idealistic outlook but that brief foray into uncharted thoughts has me restless and wanting for more. How much is enough? What defines security?

Only questions. No answers at the moment.

COVID-19 Reflections

Laksh View All →

Author. Parent.

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