Crossroads

The almost full moon outside my kitchen window is ethereal. I stand transfixed mulling the wonder that is an object suspended in space reflecting light off its surface. I have always enjoyed natural beauty. This year has made me appreciate what I have around me even more.

Occasionally I look at the screen time average on my phone. I average six plus hours a day on various devices. I wish I had no regrets, but I do. Most of my time is spent catching up on the lives of people I know vicariously. These are people who live around me. These are people when I meet on the street, I wave and chat and move on. Yet, I am privy to the most intimate moments in their lives – birthdays, anniversaries, deaths, parenting wins, spectacular fails. I react to these events – liking, loving, crying, laughing alongside hundreds of others.

It hits me that the seven hundred odd people I share my life with on any social media channel are privy to the same things. My phone rarely rings. I rarely chat with people one on one. The more I share, the lonelier I feel.

Yet, these channels serve a function. They are the conduit by which my creative work reaches its readers. These are spaces where I go to find like minded people. These are the places where I hear about the local hunting shot gone awry stories first. Without this network, I would be lost in a sense.

I have wiped out my online homes many times over the past couple of decades. I have regretted it some times. Increasingly, I am drawn towards wiping that slate clean, repurposing the time I spend online, offline.

I preach moderation in my home. I say that about food, about screen time, about so many things. Yet, in reality, I am the one who seems to have trouble with moderation.

This morning, I have promised myself a break. An intentional time away from the consumption of news of all kinds. Hopefully, I can deliver on this promise to myself.

Wish me luck!