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I am bored.
I am in the study in the twilight hours. A patch of time after the madness of evening homework, showers and feeding ravenous children. Dinner prep is on the cards. I sink into the chair that has molded itself to my form over the years. My feet sigh with relief as I take my weight off it. I should be content with aimlessly browsing Twitter or scrolling through FB feeds. I long to connect, to chat, to be heard.
There is a long list of people online at any given time. The mouse hovers over each name and passes on. I pull up my email inbox and feel disheartened at the impersonal nature of senders staring at me. It is too early to call Amma in India.
Over the years, I have given up on the kind of relationships I spent time and effort in nurturing. The kind of friendships that involved a volley of communication. Sharing and hearing. Laughing and comforting. Being there and being seen.
Raising a family is a full-time job, one that precludes the kind of time I could once make. I am wistful for times past, for the people in my past.
I ache for soul quenching companionship. The kind that hears without being spoken to, that reaches out without being asked to. I know I am looking for unicorns.
Like I said, I am bored.
i hope that you won’t give up on that completely, just know that the rhythm of our lives ebbs and flows and it will come back to a time when you can spend more time nurturing other relationships with your friends.
I usually don’t give up easily. There are a few I have given up on. I realize when kids have flown the nest, another set may well make up for the ones that were there. Just rueing the loss of things that once seemed untouchable.
Every word you wrote here was from my heart. I have relinquished the chains that have bound me to fake friendships and I do crave for that one companion( not my saathi) who can hear the unspoken words and stirrings of my soul. Until then, I try to live in my own company. My little birdlings are flying away from my nest. And I have miles togo before I sleep. Enjoy the few hours of solitude.
THIS COULD’VE BEEN ME!!!
Every sentence of this post had me nod in agreement with it. You have captured the sentiments in such simple words.
Thank you!
My friends from KG-12th all live in the US albeit in 4 different corners of the country. Once in 12-18 months, we all make the effort to meetup for about 48 hours, just us girls. We relax, catch up, recharge and get back to our lives. We don’t interact on a daily basis but knowing you have them and that they are there in the background means the world to me. I call it my recharge time and instigate meetings saying my battery is running out! I do realize I am so very lucky to have my tribe – so much gratitude for that!!
Sounds amazing! Glad you can wing it. I’d love for something like that.