affection afterglow backlit blur
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#ToAllTheBoysIveLovedBefore at the high school, I was too busy trying to not cry at being called fat, busy trying to fit in, busy trying to come out of the shadow of my beautiful friends. I was trying hard to stay awake in class after 5:00 AM tuitions and after-school remedial classes. I was too caught up trying to have a best “girl” friend that boys were not as interesting.

#ToAllTheBoysIveLovedBefore while at college, I was busy trying to debate and figure out if boys and girls could be friends, I was busy debating arranged marriage vs love marriage to actually find a boy to marry. I was busy trying to figure out my budding sexuality and why I kept getting flashed and catcalled by men much older than I was. I was too involved in trying to get that damned degree so I could then go work and make some money before I got married off.

#ToAllTheBoysIveLovedBefore as a young adult, I was busy trying to cling to my girlfriends and busy wondering if they had other girlfriends who were better than I was. I was busy anguishing over all the things I could have done while missing out on doing them. I was busy proving to myself I could live the good life as a single woman because it was always you, never me.

#ToAllTheBoysIveLovedBefore, guess it is a good thing the box of letters I never wrote, never saw the light of day. 

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