Letters To My Daughters: Move On

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Dear Ammu, Pattu, and Laddu,

Tonight, Ammu dissolved into tears and I stood by powerless, rudderless. What happened today is not the first. It will not be the last either. It happens to all of us. People we want to be friends with don’t feel that way about us. As you stood sobbing, your eyes rimmed in red, all I could do was envelop you in a hug and tell you it will be OK.

“I am sensitive Amma,” you say, your lips quivering and I admit you are and that is probably your strength too. Most of us walk through life feeling invincible. We carry hurt inside of us until we are unable to anymore. One day we crumple, the strength ebbing out along with the tears.

What I wanted to tell you today but could not find the words for is this.

Through school and through your young adult life, you will find cliques. You will find cool kids band together forming a shield you cannot get past. You will find groups within groups. You will also find your group if you look hard enough. If someone makes you feel you are not worthy of their time or attention, let them have their way. Ignore and move on. Cry if you must but find people like you and band with them. You will always find someone like you. Someone else with sensitive feelings sitting in a corner waiting for someone like them. You! Get it?

As you grow older, you will realize (that’s a promise) that the cool kids are no better than you are. They just hide their insecurities well. You will also realize that sidelining others and excluding is not a nice thing and you would rather not be part of who or what they are as well. As you grow older, you will have your trust broken. People you share secrets with will share them with others. Friends you think are your best friends will move on and become best friends with others. Grieve if you must. Cry if you have to. Pick yourself up and move on.

All through your life, you will find this is a pattern. Problems that seem insurmountable feel better on a full stomach and after a good night’s rest. Crying sure helps but solving the problem works better. Throwing yourself a pity party feels nice but better still is to accept something went wrong, assign blame and move on.

When all else fails, have a good cry. Nothing wrong with it. Then, move on.

Love,

Amma.

6 comments

  1. Your letter to your daughters can serve us adults well too! Exclusion, sidelining, taunting etc – is something we all deal with as adults too. Except maybe we have thicker skin than our little ones. Thanks for the lovely article, dear Lakshmi. A gentle reminder that such people don’t matter and hope that we will find our own means a lot.

  2. Loved this letter Laksh..!! True for everyone.
    Very well written. I never realised how a full stomach and good night’s rest make the things better 🙂 this is going to be my mantra.

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