“I have to work,” I say unselfconsciously and shut the study door behind me. For weeks now, I have been logging in, answering emails, pursuing writers, cold calling people who are inspirational to come write for us. The actual work of writing emails, talking on the phone, fiddling around with the site layout, editing content and jotting to-dos on a white board in my room is little compared to the time I spend thinking about how to do things. I worry about what I can do to spread the word, create a buzz so to speak for a labor of love that is the new parenting webzine I call myself a co-owner in.
If for years, I have been blogging and writing, it has not felt like something I do professionally. I couldn’t bring myself to call it work. Both these efforts, my personal blogging and what I am doing for the Parent Voice (tPV), is unpaid. Yet, tPV feels like a calling. Something I treat with reverence.
In the years since I quit my programming job and invested money and time in writing, I’ve felt guilt. Guilt at diverting resources that could be spent elsewhere. Guilt at pursuing what seemed like a dead end hobby. Guilt as closeting myself in the study and writing drafts that may never see the light of day.
This week somehow seems different. There seems to light at the end of the tunnel. A goal post of sorts to aim for. Whether tPV will be a stepping stone to something or be the one big thing that will define me is something only time can tell. Or it could be yet another thing that I pursued and gave up on.
I look at the calendar and mentally calculate the days to August 1, the day we officially launch. The pressure I feel is the good kind. I feel enthused to putter around the WordPress dashboard. I check my email and dash off responses with an urgency I have only felt when I have been gainfully employed. I feel like I am reporting to someone. In all, I feel like I am working again after three years.
This has got to be good right?
PS: Any ideas on how to create buzz or spread the word is welcome.