Turning A Page

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It is late afternoon, it is already dark outside. I am not showered yet. The twins are crooning to songs from Moana. The youngest and the husband are still napping. It is the first day of the New Year. I feel like I should be doing something to mark it. Go shower, rinse away the metaphorical connections to 2016. I sit at the breakfast table chair, unwilling and unable to move. Dinner seems daunting.

It is a day just like any other, I tell myself lamely. I try flipping the pages in the book mentally. What was I doing each month of 2016? January was spent struggling with a manuscript that had no hopes of salvation but I did not know it then. I labored over it, trawled the web for help and spent countless hours each night staring at a screen until the words blurred. February was an exercise in mindfulness as we stayed trapped inside and the weather turned cold outside. March was all about reminiscing on how the twins have grown and giving into the trappings of celebrating their birthday. It was about gifts, experiences and verbal endearments.

April came by bringing sickness and birthdays and a promise of spring. May left in its wake a trail of books I devoured and laboring over essays. It also heralded the end of the school year. June brought with it anniversaries and Father’s Day and an insane amount of reflection on life and marriage. July saw us in India for a glorious seven week vacation. We soaked in the sights, played tourist, grappled with surprising ways in with adoption came up and learned a lot of life lessons.

August marked itself with a high school reunion, a blogger meet and Laddu setting off to daycare. She struggled, I struggled and eventually it all fell in place. September brought with it school year, acceptance that our kids had learning problems and interminable meetings to get them the help they need. October was all about helping a community member escape an abusive marriage. October also showed me how generous the community I am part of is. As we celebrated Navarathri and Deepavali, I was proud to be part of a community that is inclusive amidst fears of what a Dr.umpf presidency would bring.

November brought with it elections and disillusionment. It brought with it gratitude and Thanksgiving. It also marked ten years of losing Appa. December brought with it loss, publishing wins and loads of family time. As I close out the year, I realize New Year is about turning a page, about flipping through the book and putting it away. It is about starting afresh, a blank page to be filled with mistakes not yet made, to experience things that fear has had me shelve. It is about putting forth a newer version of me and leaving the past behind. It is a metaphorical beginning. One that is in the mind.

Happy New Year to all my friends here, may the force be with you.

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