Tis All About Me This Time

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Two years ago, I turned in my badge, laptop and everything else that signified I had a corporate persona. I drove home feeling relieved. I spent the next one year physically tending to my children in an effort to validate my decision. I cooked (and still do) fresh most meals and did away with most processed stuff. I pruned years of clothing, pared down overstuffed storage, designed our basement, made multiple trips to our township office and watched my house turn into a cozy home. I was a domestic goddess and I loved the adulation that came with the responsibility.

Fast forward a year, the stray thought wandered into my head. The what ifs, the second guessing, the token conversations on whether my decision was the right one. I applied to local companies and sighed in relief when I heard nothing. I added shopping to my repertoire and worked away on the book that I intended to write.

This week marks the second anniversary of my decision to quit corporate life, I am at my desk typing away, one eye on the clock. All three kids are in bed, my chores for the day done. I have a mental to-do list that seems to keep growing. I know I should be doing more around the home but for now, I am willing to let that slide.

Two yellow envelopes sit by the side of my desk. This morning I was at a meeting at my children’s school to discuss additional help that they need. I have books in front of me that may help me understand my children better. My browser bookmark folder has too many links that need attention.

I am at peace.

It hits me every now and then that if I just let myself be, I am happy. I am happy to be doing things for my family. I am grateful for the time I get to myself each morning. I am happy to be exercising my grey cells each day as I pound blog posts out. I am beyond thankful to have the time to make food a priority in our lives.

I realize things may change over the next few years but for now, I am happy to be home, tending to and nurturing our fledgling family. It may not work for everyone but it does for me. As the years pass, I realize the decision to stay home benefits Saathi and the children but mostly it has been life changing for me. It has freed me to imagine the kind of things I want to do but had no clue in my twenties. It has permitted me to experiment with things I dreamed about in my thirties but deferred in my pursuit for money. I may or may not make money out of these forays but they satisfy something primal, a need to create, a need to nurture, a need to see the impact of my time in tangible ways on things I care about.

I suspect I will return to the workforce in some capacity in a year or two but it will be in a field vastly different from the one I have been in. I am in that state of flux, having let go of the past and unwilling to look into the future, suspended in the now.

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6 thoughts on “Tis All About Me This Time

  1. I can completely appreciate and understand where you’re coming from. I wish I had your clarity on my life’s choices that I made for myself. I know it will come but for now, I still go back and forth (although this IS getting less and less) with my second guessing. Everything in its time I guess.
    Hugs to you.

    1. I think part of it stems from having had a career for 15 yrs and having children in my late 30s. I am very aware that I live a privileged life and I am happy to have this choice.

  2. Laksh,
    I work from home, so in a way, I get the best of both worlds (and the worst!).

    Beyond all that you wrote, there is one other thought that is permanent in my head – that I am lucky to be able to choose the way I wish to live. If I choose to stop working, I can because I have the financial security. If I choose to work out of home, I can, because I have the support. There are so many women who don’t have a choice. As I type this out, my maid takes out the clothes to wash. She will never have the luxury of quitting her job ever in her life.

    No, Not going (or taking you) on a guilt trip. Its just a small note of thanks to the universe or God or whatever it is that has made you and me, such fortunate people.

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