Two years ago, I turned in my badge, laptop and everything else that signified I had a corporate persona. I drove home feeling relieved. I spent the next one year physically tending to my children in an effort to validate my decision. I cooked (and still do) fresh most meals and did away with most processed stuff. I pruned years of clothing, pared down overstuffed storage, designed our basement, made multiple trips to our township office and watched my house turn into a cozy home. I was a domestic goddess and I loved the adulation that came with the responsibility.
Fast forward a year, the stray thought wandered into my head. The what ifs, the second guessing, the token conversations on whether my decision was the right one. I applied to local companies and sighed in relief when I heard nothing. I added shopping to my repertoire and worked away on the book that I intended to write.
This week marks the second anniversary of my decision to quit corporate life, I am at my desk typing away, one eye on the clock. All three kids are in bed, my chores for the day done. I have a mental to-do list that seems to keep growing. I know I should be doing more around the home but for now, I am willing to let that slide.
Two yellow envelopes sit by the side of my desk. This morning I was at a meeting at my children’s school to discuss additional help that they need. I have books in front of me that may help me understand my children better. My browser bookmark folder has too many links that need attention.
I am at peace.
It hits me every now and then that if I just let myself be, I am happy. I am happy to be doing things for my family. I am grateful for the time I get to myself each morning. I am happy to be exercising my grey cells each day as I pound blog posts out. I am beyond thankful to have the time to make food a priority in our lives.
I realize things may change over the next few years but for now, I am happy to be home, tending to and nurturing our fledgling family. It may not work for everyone but it does for me. As the years pass, I realize the decision to stay home benefits Saathi and the children but mostly it has been life changing for me. It has freed me to imagine the kind of things I want to do but had no clue in my twenties. It has permitted me to experiment with things I dreamed about in my thirties but deferred in my pursuit for money. I may or may not make money out of these forays but they satisfy something primal, a need to create, a need to nurture, a need to see the impact of my time in tangible ways on things I care about.
I suspect I will return to the workforce in some capacity in a year or two but it will be in a field vastly different from the one I have been in. I am in that state of flux, having let go of the past and unwilling to look into the future, suspended in the now.