New Beginnings

I woke to the sounds of Laddu crying at 4:30 AM. Bringing her back to bed with me, we snuggled and she slept, an arm around my neck, her hair tickling my nose. Me? I was wide awake.

For the past three months, mornings have been relaxed, days have been organic, eating, sleeping and playing when needed. Today, I was ready by 6:00, the girls up and washed by 7:00. Breakfast done and out the door by 8:00 AM. As they walked and I followed, clicking a million pictures, I realized the one thing that was curiously absent. Last year this time, I was a bundle of nerves. New school, new teachers, separate classes. This year they return to an environment they know, they have each other in class, the rest will be OK.

Waving them off, I hurried back home to Laddu and dressed her. The tears came even before we left the house and with that a guilt that clung to me all the way back.

“Was I doing the right thing?”

“Does she really need to go to daycare?”

“What was I thinking?”

The questions rolled in my head while the answers were less forthcoming. Stepping out the shower, my eyes scanned the room for the weighing machine and found it missing. It hit me in waves that Amma was leaving today. For months she has been silently taking more than half the load. Cooking, washing, folding, minding the kids and letting me relax. Most of all, she has been there, silently listening and taking my mind of things that tend to overwhelm me.

Today marks a new beginning in many ways and I am not sure what to quite make of it.


Author. Parent.

3 thoughts on “New Beginnings

  1. Change is hard Laksh and our minds tend to look at only things that we have lost esp. when you have enjoyed what you have had. If and when you can, look at things that Laddu will gain out of the experience, once she and you have gotten used to the change, that will help you understand the change holistically.

    1. Totally agree. I thought about what you have said and realized that laddu does stand to gain a lot by playing and engaging in stuff that does not involve me. As for me, I am loving this me time.

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