Pattu’s face is flush with excitement as she runs to me. I am at the patio door, half heartedly keeping an eye on them. I walk with her to see these mysterious eggs. They lie hidden in the grass, white, oval, spongy almost and small. Deciding to let them be, I wander off to look at the blooming rose of sharon shrub. My amma plucks one and heads back inside. Ammu is drawing with chalk on our driveway. She is making a kolam the way she has seen her paati do.
I watch the twins blow bubbles and wonder if Laddu has stopped crying. As if on cue, the phone dings and a message from Miss R says,“She just gave me a big smile!”
I walk inside to the cool breeze of the ceiling fan. This summer has gone past quickly. A quick inspection of their clothes closet tells me that they have grown taller. I take stock of what they need for the school year and decide I can afford to wait a month. In a few days, Ammu and Pattu will be in school, Laddu hopefully settled in her daycare and Amma away to visit my sister. I will have time on my hands, a luxury I can ill afford. My mind wanders to all the things I could do with this time. Thoughts of getting back to the workforce stray in. I take stock of my skill-sets and factor in the two plus years break and shake my head.
My Facebook feed is littered with posts from various groups I follow. Yesterday, I stumbled on a request for a freelance writer and sent in my resume. A quick rejection followed, which I filed and tried to forget about. Writing as a career while it looks appealing seems distant. The book I started on last November has not seen the light of day since early February.
It is technically fall, a time for the world around me to hunker down and ride out the winter cold, to hibernate and put out fresh shoots in the spring. I try to apply it to myself. I start a to-do list of things I need to focus on. It is a start but it feels overwhelming.
I shake off the stupor and call the girls inside. They still have a couple of days before the grind of the school year will wear them down and stick them into a routine that will sustain us all through next summer. I decide we will head out, just them and I. I will savor these last days before I get on the path to somewhere and try to enjoy the ride. I will figure this out, this mystery of where I am headed and where I want to be. Until then, I will enjoy this state of namelessness, a feeling of being suspended in time and the luxury of having time I do not know what to do with.