The water snaked down the window, gathering into rivulets and joining a stream that wound its way to the spout off the roof, falling into the mulched beds beneath my bedroom window. I sat on the floor, the loops in the carpet standing out in sharp relief as each tear formed, large and luminous in my eye before it gathered enough weight to fall causing a wet patch by my feet.
My phone lay by my side, mute, unyielding.
The events of the past night ran in a loop in my head. The dance, the warmth of his chest against mine, the stubble of his chin against my forehead.
My body shuddered and leaked more tears.
We sat down for dinner. He had stepped away to use the restroom. The music was soft, mellow. I had been tracing the velvety smoothness of the single rose in front of me when his phone had blinked with a new message. Unthinking, I had reached for it.
“Miss you hottie xoxo”
The message had disappeared into the inky darkness of the screen even as I had been staring at it. He had returned before I had a chance to process it.
“To our 15th anniversary,” he had said as he raised his glass to mine.
The sky had burst with a brilliant flash of lightning and the rain had come coursing down. We had run from our patio table by the pool before I could raise mine.
The drive home had been somber tinged by the turmoil inside and out.
He had left early, his flight out of the country at an ungodly hour. My past washed away by the rain as I sat mulling the future. Perhaps, that was when I started collecting rain
Fiction Flash Fiction Musings Flash Fiction Prompt based writing Yeah Write
Laksh View All →
Loved the description of the water and the way you used the prompt. You created powerful emotions with images.
Beautifully written, Laksh. I love your attention to those little details that take your writing up several notches.
Thank you Sid! Hope I can do this in my book.
Tears and rain. So similar and yet so different. Beautiful piece.
Thank you much!!
Great details, beautiful metaphors to describe the silent struggle.
Thank you much!!
My heart breaks for her. The sorrow was deep throughout, but those last lines cut deep. Wonderful work
Love it Laksh. The rain, the tears and the numb sense of pain. Beautifully written.
Thank you Binu!
Interesting ending: why is she collecting rain? how? how does that relate to the end of her marriage. It leaves a lot of questions.
Truth be told, it was a vignette that flashed in my head when I read the prompt. I saw rain as a metaphor for new beginnings. If I worked this into a short story, I probably see the types of rains as different beginnings.
The coursing rain, perfect backdrop to the inner turmoil.
Thank you Jennifer!
Your word choices for establishing tone are so strong: snaked, mute, unyielding, weight. Nice work!
I hadn’t thought of it that way but now that you say it, I see it too. Thank you!!
How sad. I think you did a good job with word choice with making me feel sad with her. Normally I’d be feeling angry, but your word choices were very weighty. Nice work.
Fantastic images–especially the rain. My favorite line: “The message had disappeared into the inky darkness of the screen even as I had been staring at it.” The moment felt devastating.
Thank you! It is fascinating to see how others process the same set of words. I am loving all the feedback.